AL-SABR and KARMA…
"So to all of you out there who caused me tremendous, unbearable pain for no justifiable reason and which I definitely don’t deserve, all I can say is ‘Al-Sabartu alaallah’. What comes around goes around. Good luck to you coz there’s KARMA coming your way sooner or later. And a tip: ENJOY EVERY MOMENT OF IT, ENJOY IT WHILE IT LASTS!!!"
***
"SABR"
One of the most beautiful concepts of Islam is the concept of SABR. (By the way, I’m not saying this because I am a follower of the religion. Even if I were an atheist, I think I’d still find it as something worthy of admiration, really.) I’m not quite sure if there’s an exact English equivalent of the term, but the closest translation I can come up with is PATIENCE. However, the word PATIENCE doesn’t wholly explain the concept of SABR (which is an Arabic word, FYI). It is not enough for non-Muslims or those who heard it for the first time to understand it. So let me give a sample situation wherein the principle of SABR is applied.
For instance, you have a friend. You treated her with sincereity, goodness and much kindness since day one. But then she did you grave wrong–she hurt or betrayed you. You decided not to take any action to revenge for what she did to you and instead, allowed God to bring her to justice. That’s what SABR is. It’s like the idea of not taking the law in your hands. It’s like , when you’re hurt by someone, you just sit down and ignore what’s been done to you as if nothing happened and tell yourself, "I’ll let God take care of it."
Get it? If not, read the above paragraph again.
Islam doesn not entirely prohibit its followers to take revenge for any harm done to them, but discourages it. It instead emphasizes and encourages them to be PATIENT and to let God take care of those who inflicted harm or pain on them or those who did them wrong (especially in cases where the aggrieved party is innocent or hasn’t done anything wrong to the "antagonist" in the first place.)
So if someone hurts you and you try to contain yourself, you try to control that overwhelming urge to revenge, you try to keep that rage to yourself, you try to be patient and let God administer the PUNISHMENT in retaliation for the WRONG, HARM or BETRAYAL done to you, then surely he who caused you that pain will suffer the same pain he inflicted upon you, even multifold. And I vehemently believe in this because it has worked wonders for me all the time! I always get the last laugh! Hahaha! Just kidding.
That’s the reason why when someone hurts me in any way or does me wrong for no apparent reason especially when I don’t deserve it, I DON’T TAKE ANY ACTION FOR THE PURPOSES OF RETALIATING or TAKE ANY PUNITIVE MEASURES TO MAKE THAT PERSON SUFFER THE HELLISH PAIN HE/SHE MADE ME GO THROUGH. I just tell myself, "Al-Sabartu alaallah" and I allow Him to take care of everything. I can’t do much for sure, I’m only human. Even if I reataliate, I don’t think it would be enough to punish that person or make him/her pay for what he’s/she’s done to me. So I leave it all to Him because He is Just, He is All-Powerful, He is All-Knowing. He can punish that person ten times in gravity for me IF I leave the job to Him. He mentioned in the Qur’an several times:
"Inallaha ma’aa Sabirin"
which means, "Allah (God) is with those who are Patient (SABR)"
and He said:
"Al-Sabro miftah al-Jannah"
which means, "Patience (SABR) is the key to the Gates of Heaven".
God is "Al-Muntaqim" or "The Vengeful". Surely, He will make those who did wrong to others pay for what they’ve done.
***
"KARMA"
Last night, my eldest sister and I offered Tarawi prayers (night prayers during the Holy Month of Ramadhan). After we supplicated, I turned to her and asked, " Why do people hurt their fellows who’s been sincere, good and kind to them? Why do they betray people who loved them sincerely?" She faced me and told me what could be one of the most enlightening advice I ever got concerning life. For sure, I’ll engrave it in my mind til the day I expire.
She said:
"When you deal with people, always be sincere, true, kind and good to them. Give them your all–never be the first one to hurt them or betray them no matter who they are, what their faith is, what their status in life is or what they look like. Just treat them as humanely as possible and treat them the best way you can. If they are insincere or untrue to you, if they hurt or betray you, if they cause you pain of any kind when you’ve been good to them all along, then it’s not your paroblem anymore. Don’t ask why they did that to you. The important thing is you’ve done your part, you’ve been sincere to them, you’ve been good to them. At least you will LIVE WITH A CLEAN CONSCIENCE and you’re GUILT-FREE. More importantly, YOU WIIL NOT BE THE ONE WHO WILL SUFFER IN THE END. You will be rewarded by Allah for being good while they will suffer the consequences of their actions. They will be the ones who will suffer the BAD KARMA of what they’ve done to you."
I just fell silent and tears rolled down my face. "That’s so true," I told myself. I don’t mean to praise myself or I ain’t being cocky or anything but that’s the way I’ve been living my life ever since I gained consciousness and cognitive abilities, ever since I could understand the complexities of this life. That’s they way I’ve been dealing with people who come my way–I am true and sincere to them. I treat them with all kindness and goodness.
There’s not a need to say that I’m not perfect. I am not a saint, but I can say that I’ve been generally good in this life. (Well, I’ve been bad at times…but not really, really bad that I deserve to be labelled as BITCH. Example of bad things I’ve done? Hmmm…can I just keep it to myself? Just kidding. Well, when I was a kid, I loved picking fights with these Arab kids, called them names and stuff. Hehehe.) I’ve never maltreated anyone, never betrayed a single homo sapien because it’s against my values and principles. I don’t think I’ve caused tremendous pain to anyone. It’s always the other way round. I’m a goody-two shoes. If there’s one thing I’d do last, it’s hurting people. I DON’T BELIEVE IT WHEN PEOPLE HURT YOU AND THEY TELL YOU, "I DIDN’T MEAN IT, IT WASN’T INTENTIONAL." THAT’S SUCH A CRAP! THAT’S PLAIN BULLSHIT. IT DOESN’T MATTER IF YOU INTENDED TO OR NOT. WHAT COUNTS IS THE FACT THAT YOU HURT THE OTHER PERSON. I MEAN, WE ARE CONSCIOUS OF THE ACTIONS WE TAKE IN THIS LIFE. WE ARE GIFTED WITH OUR BRAINS, THUS WE UNDERSTAND THE AFTERMATH/RESULT/CONSEQUENCES OF OUR ACTIONS, RIGHT? WELL, IF YOU DISAGREE THEN THE BRAIN INSIDE YOUR HEAD MUST SO DYSFUNCTIONAL OR YOU DON’T PUT IT TO USE. IF YOU HAVE NO ABILITY TO USE IT, JUST TAKE IT OUT. IT’S NOT THERE FOR DISPLAY PURPOSES. IT’S THERE IN YOUR HEAD SO YOU CAN USE IT. IF YOU FAIL TO MAKE IT SERVE THAT PURPOSE, JUST HAVE IT REMOVED AND EATEN BY HANNIBAL LECTER FOR DINNER. Hehehe.
I don’t know but I spur the idea of hurting others EVEN IF I HAVE ALL THE PREROGATIVE IN THE WORLD TO DO SO, EVEN IF THEY’RE THE ONES WHO HURT ME TO START WITH. It just makes me feel bad about myself. My conscience just can’t take it. I think I’m too obsequious. I’m too kind to harm or hurt anyone and it gets to a point that I don’t know how to say NO without feeling bad. I’m just afraid to hurt others, really. And I guess it’s bad coz people tend to abuse you. INSTEAD OF APPRECIATING IT, THEY TAKE YOU FOR GRANTED, THEY TAKE ADVANTAGE OF IT TO HURT YOU. WELL, I guess I’m just gonna stay the way that I am. Just like what my sister told me, it’s not my problem if others hurt or betray me. At least I won’t be the one to face the KARMIC CONSEQUENCES in the end.
I’m not a Hindu or Buddhist, but just like everyone else, I strongly believe in the LAW OF KARMA. It’s an idea of universal application. It indeed happens. Whatever we do in this life will surely return back to us. It’s like throwing a boomerang in the air–whatever it is that we throw will come back to us as it is. If we do good, certainly good things will come back to us. It goes without saying that if we do evil things to others, we will face and suffer the consequences of our actions.
So I don’t care if people say I’m weak and too complacent because I’m too kind to others. I’m sure that by living this way, God will reward me with good Karma. I don’t care about what they say. I just want to be sincere and transparent in every way I can in dealing with others. It’s not my problem if they deal with me insincerely. It’s not my problem if they hurt or betray me. What matters is that I do my part and I ain’t gonna suffer the BAD KARMA in the end.
Yes, THERE IS NO JUSTICE WITHOUT RETRIBUTION. BUT I’M NOT GONNA TAKE THE RESPONSIBILITY OF ADMINISTERING PUNISHMENT UPON THOSE WHO DO ME WRONG. I WILL LEAVE THAT JOB TO GOD (SABR) AND KARMA COZ THEY CAN CERTAINLY DO MORE THAN I CAN. MY PATIENCE WILL CERTAINLY PAY OFF IN THE END.
So to all of you out there who caused me tremendous, unbearable pain
for no justifiable reason and which I definitely don’t deserve, all I
can say is ‘Al-Sabartu alaallah’. What comes around goes around. Good
luck to you coz there’s KARMA coming your way sooner or later. And a
tip: ENJOY EVERY MOMENT OF IT, ENJOY IT WHILE IT LASTS!!! 
Mistakes…Parents…Destiny…and how Homo sapiens with dicks can wreck your life.
In this journey called life, sometimes we have to make the biggest mistakes ourselves to learn our lesson. Sometimes, it’s not just enough that we learn from other people’s mistakes. We have to experience the pain of that mistake before we can wake ourselves up and say, "Hey, this is indeed such a big mistake!" We have to go through it ourselves before we can realize that. We just have to make that mistake before reality hits us because I think most of us are hard-headed, stubborn and narrow-minded. We are egoistic and we always think that we’re always right. We see other people going through a lot of shit because of a wrong move, but we still try to convince ourselves that doing that particular act ourselves might have a positive outcome for us. We tell ourselves, "Maybe it didn’t work for him/her/ Who knows? If I do what he/she did, it might have a different outcome because we’re two different people, thus it might work for me differently!" Because it is in our nature to be tremendously cretinous, stupid and imbecile, we do the same act and later find out that it’s such a big mistake! But even if we commit the same mistake that other people committed, it wouldn’t be so bad IF WE LEARN from it and inculcate in our minds NEVER TO REPEAT IT. However, if we keep on making the same mistake over and over again, and don’t learn anything from it, then there’s no point in making them at all. You are like an animal w/o brains. It’s plain stupidity. Just look at Kris Aquino for example. First, she got involved with this old, married guy. Their relationship ended so badly. She got pregnant. She’s now a single mom and she has to raise and feed the child all by herself. What’s worse is that the kid has ADHD. It’s the KARMA she got for disobeying her mother, whom she puts in ceaseless agony. Anyway, she again got involved with this Joey Marquez guy, who’s also married and got lots of kids. (Excuse me for saying this, but he’s not even slightly good-looking. Not that I’m judging him for his looks or whatever but…I mean…OK, never mind. I guess his dick is just bigger than his brain. Tee hee.) And every Filipino in the world (even non-Filipinos) knows what happened to them. It should be a part of Philippine history. I bet that one day, the DECS and CHED will make it a part in every Philippine history book. And you think she learned from all those shit? No! It’s an important current event now that everyone should know: she’s involved with this dumb basketball guy, who’s 11 years her junior and who’s got another girl pregnant! I bet she’ll only end up whimpering later on and repeat those cliche lines, "Mommy, I’m sorry." She is a terrible case of habitually committing mistakes and not learning from it. So please, don’t look up to Kris Aquino.
Yes, we are human beings and we are prone to commiting blunders and mistakes. We are IMPERFECT, we all have flaws in all aspects of our lives. However, we should not make that as an excuse to keep on doing the same mistakes all over again because we accept the fact that we are, truly, human beings–which means that we are gifted with the power to THINK and REASON OUT with our BRAINS. Just like what my wise Dad will always tell us: "God placed the BRAIN ON TOP OF OUR BODY, ABOVE EVERY PART OF OUR BODY because it’s what we should be using all the time, we should let it DOMINATE all the time, always. We should use our HEARTS (emotions) LESS because using it makes us STUPID. That’s why God placed it lower, below the BRAIN. And DEFINITELY, WE SHOULD NEVER EVER USE OUR GENITALS (symbolizing carnal desire) in decision-making because IT WILL DEFINITELY DESTROY US!!! That’s why God placed it so far down there." No wonder why my Dad is leading a good, successful, untarnished life; he is lauded by everone who hears of him because of his achievements. That’s no mean feat.
Making mistakes (just a few, mind you) can also be good IF WE USE IT TO MAKE US BETTER and STRONGER INDIVIDUALS. If we learn from them, it won’t be as regrettalbe as it should be because it will make us WISER and MORE PRUDENT the next time we make decisions in our lives. Hopefully.
I am a human being (Really? I though you are a plankton! Hahaha!) Therefore, I’m no exception–I am also prone to making mistakes. But since I am a human being (allegedly…hehehe) that means I have the BRAIN, which I should use to learn from the mistakes I committed in the past and from the mistakes of other people.
If there’s one mistake that I committed or am liable to make, it is the mistake of DISOBEYING my dear Mommy and Daddy. Hey, I’m just a kid. Kids do that all the time, right? Haha! But I won’t make that as an excuse to disobey them.
I have now fully realized and understood why my parents are SO OVERPROTECTIVE of me. My Dad will always tell me, "You are a very unique lady. There’s no one like you on this earth. what makes you different from the others is you have the BRAIN. (Well, everyone has a brain. It’s just that my brain is different…defective? Haha!) Not only that, but you are BEAUTIFUL INSIDE AND OUT, you are very TALENTED–you are just VERSATILE. You are a rare, refined DIAMOND. So you must understand why we are so overprotective of you. Do not easily trust other people. Always listen to us. Always use your BRAIN because that’s the only way you can lead a good life. Do not put yourself to waste. You are destined to become a GREAT SOMEBODY SOMEDAY. That’s your destiny. And Allah wants you to fulfill that destiny…" Well, he’s telling me that coz he’s my Dad! Hahaha! By the way, I didn’t make those up, OK? I got those from one of his e-mails to me.
Now I have finally accepted the truth that I am this way and I have to be great in all things I do because I was born to do just that! God blessed me so much and yes, my Dad is right, I should not put all the gifts He gave me to waste. I shouldn’t just throw them away. Mom, Dad, I am sorry if I misunderstood you. I am sorry if I was a little hard-headed sometimes. I am sorry.
There is one thing that my parents are overly shielding me from: Homo Sapiens with dicks! They are very allergic to boys coming near me because they know (and I know too) that BOYS DESTROY GIRLS’ LIVES. Boys are PESTS, they’re like very DEBILITATING, MALIGNANT VIRUSES, they are as DESTRUCTIVE AS CANCER…probably way more destructive than cancer. They are DETRIMENTAL PATHOGENS and they can totally change the course of any girl’s life from UPHILL DOWN TO THE PITS. They can totally wreck a girl’s life. They turn you into a NOBODY when you have the POTENTIAL TO BE A SOMEBODY. I am so grateful to ALLAH that He gave me parents who constantly remind me not to get involved with these pests (well, not that I totally isolate myself from them. That’s almost impossible especially if you’re on this side of this world, i.e., Philippines. I deal with them when I have to. I just keep that certain barrier between us.) I am so thankful to Allah that He made me see myriad of precedents of how DICKHEADS can totally wreck girls’ lives. I am so grateful to Him that He saved me from facing the sam fate as other girls by making me see or even witness (my friends’ cases or girls I know) cases like those. He destined me to become someone great someday that’s why He blessed me with all these gifts. So He gave me these examples to warn me and to make me learn from them. He wants me to fulfill that destiny. And it just shows how much He loves me. Alhamdullillah ya Allah.
The mistake I committed is I, at times, disobeyed my parents. I can get hard-headed sometimes. But last night, I reflected and analyzed things–I thought so hard of why some people lead BAD, MISERABLE, CHAOTIC, TOPSY-TURVY, MEANINGLESS LIVES without PURPOSE. And it all boils down to one point: THEY DID NOT LISTEN TO AND OBEY THEIR PARENTS. I learned that no matter how seemingly preposterously overprotective or strict your parents are about anything, DON’T EVER THINK OF REBELLING AGAINTS THEM BECAUSE THE HARM OF SUCH A REBELLIOUS MOVE WILL ONLY GET BACK TO YOU AND NOT TO YOUR PARENTS! YOU THINK YOU CAN HURT OR GET BACK AT THEM? NA-AH! YOU WILL ONLY HURT YOURSELF! YOU WILL REAP THE SPOILED FRUITS OF YOUR EVIL LABOR. YOU WILL ONLY SUFFER THE KARMA OF YOUR SINISTER, DIABOLICAL ACT!
All our parents want is the best for us. So we should listen to and obey them at all times. They are our guides; we should trust them all the time. As for me, I have finally realized that God gave me so many blessings: BRAIN, BEAUTY and TALENT (don’t mean to brag but…) and I SHOULD MAKE THE BEST OUT OF THEM! THEY ARE MY TOOLS TO BECOME A GREAT SOMEBODY. That’s the destiny I have to fulfill. And I can only fulfill that if and only if I obey Allah’s commands, if I listen to my parents and if I stay away from homo sapiens whose dicks are bigger than their brains! (of course, when it comes to the aspect of getting involved with them) Hahaha! I shouldn’t throw my life away for stupid jerks whose groins are way larger than their brains…the only thing they do is wreck and destroy girls. That’s one important lesson I learned from my friends’ experiences and of course, from my Mommy and Daddy.
Mom, Dad, I won’t promise, I won’t try but I WILL make you very proud…because I am destined to become someone great someday and I’m not going to throw that away. YOU WILL see me doing something great someday…hopefully in the field of international politics! Hahahaha! Inshaallah, with Allah’s and your guidance and full support (and of course, by guiding myself), YOU WILL NEVER REGRET HAVING ME AS ONE OF YOUR 10 CHILDREN! I love you both!
I gotta SHAKE IT OFF…DO WHAT’S BEST FOR ME baby and that means I GOTTA SHAKE YOU OFF!!!
It’s true that Mariah Carey’s "The Emancipation of Mimi" album is the greatest comeback album of the year…maybe even of the century! It’s good that she found herself way back…she’s rocking and ruling again! Though I’m kinda over the diva-ish, love-ballad songs, I still love her…her songs…I have to say that at one point in my life, I adored her…idolized her…even imitated her trademark hand gestures when she sings! Hahaha! Her reindition of "Without You" is my all time favorite Mimi song. And it’s the song I sang for this amateur singing contest back in Riyadh…I was only 8 then…hahaha…remember how nervous I was…I almost puked my guts out. Anyway, I love her new single "Shake It Off". Mimi is really back!
"Shake It Off"
[Chorus]
I gotta shake it off
Cause the loving ain’t the same
And you keep on playing games
Like you know I’m here to stay
I gotta shake it off
Just like the Calgon commercial
I really gotta get up outta here
And go somewhere
I gotta shake it off
Gotta make that move
Find somebody who
Appreciates all the love I give
Boy I gotta shake it off
Gotta do what’s best for me
Baby and that means I gotta
shake it off
By the time you get this message
It’s gonna be too late
So don’t bother paging me
‘Cause I’ll be on my way
See, I grabbed all my diamonds and clothes
Just ask your momma she knows
You’re gonna miss me baby
Hate to say I told you so
Well at first I didn’t know
But now it’s clear to me
You would cheat with all your freaks
And lie compulsively
So I packed up my Louis Vuitton
Jumped in your ride and took off
You’ll never ever find a girl
Who loves you more than me
[Chorus]
I gotta shake it off
Cause the loving ain’t the same
And you keep on playing games
Like you know I’m here to stay
I gotta shake it off
Just like the Calgon commercial
I really gotta get up outta here
And go somewhere
I gotta shake it off
Gotta make that move
Find somebody who
Appreciates all the love I give
Boy I gotta shake it off
Gotta do what’s best for me
Baby and that means I gotta
shake it off
[Bridge]
I gotta shake, shake, shake, shake, shake it
Off…
I found out about a gang
Of your dirty little deeds
With this one and that one
By the pool, on the beach, in the streets
Heard y’all was
Hold up my phone’s breakin’ up
I’ma hang up and call the machine right back
I gotta get this off of my mind
You wasn’t worth my time
So I’m leaving you behind
Cause I need a real love in my life
Save this recording because
I’m never coming back home
Baby I’m gone
Don’t cha know
[Chorus]
I gotta shake it off
Cause the loving ain’t the same
And you keep on playing games
Like you know I’m here to stay
I gotta shake it off
Just like the Calgon commercial
I really gotta get up outta here
And go somewhere
I gotta shake it off
Gotta make that move
Find somebody who
Appreciated all the love I give
Boy I gotta shake it off
Gotta do what’s best for me
Baby and that means I gotta
shake it off
WHAT WRONG HAVE I DONE TO YOU FOR YOU TO TREAT ME THIS WAY?!
The most hurtful thing in this world is when people hurt you for no profound reason. You keep on asking yourself, WHAT WRONG HAVE I DONE TO YOU? AM I THAT BAD TO YOU THAT YOU COULD HURT ME THIS WAY? AM I THAT DIABOLICAL TO YOU THAT YOU COULD BETRAY ME? AM I THAT WORTHLESS THAT YOU COULD DITCH ME AND PUT ME DOWN JUST LIKE THAT?
It’s even more hurtful when you know that you’ve done nothng wrong to them…you gave them everything you have…you loved them with your whole being…you gave them your life…and THEY CAN’T APPRECIATE THAT! They even abuse it…right? I mean, you’re doing everything you can for them but still they find some reason to put you down… and you don’t know why you have to be treated that way…like the things you’ve done, the major sacrifices you’ve done for them don’t matter at all. You do your best to be good to them but they still can’t see that…
And it’s way more hurtful when they don’t treat a person who has actually done them "real" wrong the way they are treating you…right? I mean, where’s the justice in that?!
WHAT WRONG HAVE I DONE TO YOU TO MAKE YOU TREAT ME THIS WAY?!
Fire truck them all!!!
Untitled…
It’s still sem break. But for graduating Pol Sci studs like me, there is no such thing as sem break…because I have to work my ass off for my thesis (with my lovely thesis mates Sybell and Paula…and the gentleman but dorky Tofer). I just wanna work on it as early and finish it weeks before the deadline coz I don’t wanna cram and stuff…you know, I hate the last minute thing. And yes, I’m aiming for "flat one" for our thesis. Hehehe…not being cocky, but it’ll feel so great to receive that kind of grade…all the sleepless nights, typing, thinking, reading and physical drain will all be worth it!
But I am having a great time doing it…though it’s really pressuring me (since it’s not the only matter I have to attend to…I have school and the SC), it’s still fun. I mean, I love it when my brain is really working and stuff. Plus, I have the 3 bst thesis mates in the world: Paula, my sweetheart for eternity, Sybell, my mistress and Tofer, my rival, my antagonist! And yes, we have the best adviser…the beloved Prof. Reynold Agnes. He’s helped us a lot in our proposal. So defintely, we’ll need him more this second sem!
Narcissus
People usually attribute true love to other people–people around them, be it their families, friends, spouses, lovers etc. But I refuse to adhere to that cliche. It’s been proven over and over again that true love–unconditional love–does not come from anyone else…but YOU yourself. Loving yourself is the truest love of all. I mean, yeah you have people around you to help you out when you’re going downhill, but it is only YOU who can love YOURSELF unconditionally and truly. It is only you who can totally accept yourself for all that you are, it is only you who can totally understand yourself, it is only you who is not incapable of hurting yourself (well, except for pschologically affected people like masochists or people with suicidal tendencies).
So whatever you do in this life, always love yourself more than anyone else. Do your best for yourself. Work your ass off for yourself. I am not saying that you isolate yourself from other people or start hating other people or become totally SELFISH–of course, that’s purely ridiculous. That’s impossible for people are interdependent on on another…however, always put yourself first above anyone else. Make yourself the PRIMUS INTER PARES…because in the end, you’d find only one person who’s truly there for you…YOURSELF.
I may sound a little cocky (well, a lot I guess…probably I’m irking some people out there) but hey, this is the real world! That’s how things are and you might as well live with it!
Inside the mind of Amy Lee…
"I loved you
And I still do
But now I fear you
You want to see me
I don’t know if I should
I’m scared of your intentions
You might just hurt me again…"
***
Haunted
Long lost words whisper to me
Still can’t find what keeps me here
When all this time I’ve been so hollow inside
(I know you’re still there…)
Watching me; Wanting me;
I can feel you pull me down
Fearing you; Loving you;
I won’t let you pull me down
Hunting you, I can smell you - Alive
Your heart pounding in my head
Watching me; Wanting me;
I can feel you pull me down
Saving me; Raping me;
Watching me…
***
I really love the works of Amy Lee…her poetry is just so full of angst…very dark, morbid, morose…gloomy…a manifestation of her great intelligence indeed. I love everything about this lady. She has it all…beauty, brains and talent. And what more, she’s living her dream…let your mind keep working, Amy. You’re superb in your craft…wish I could be like you…
What if…
Wouldn’t it be great if God asked us first if we wanted to be in this world in the first place?! Right? I mean, for me had I been asked, I would definitely say NO! I’d rather stay up there with Him and be His loyal, obedient slave forever! Hahaha! What if it was like that? Maybe this Earth would be people-less…or if there would be any, there would be very few…hahaha! Stupid imagination…
Have you seen my missing pinkie finger?!
(I’m still trying to figure things out. I’m still trying to put myself back together, piece by piece…I’ve been shattered so badly by the problems that came to me univited very recently. Yes, I have glued myself back together…there are just some little pieces missing…scattered somewhere…I still have to look for them because the impact of the cluster of problems which was thrown at my face with such great force, with such suddenness, without any warning, was so immense, colossal that it caused all of me to break down into pieces–my body parts got splattered all over the place…I am almost whole…just give me more time…in the meantime, if you’d see any missing body part, that’s certainly mine. Please return it to me.
Tears…
"I pray that God will make you pay for every single tear that falls from my eyes for all this time. I hope that you pay for each time my heart would ache because of you…because I’ve done nothing wrong to you. I was kind to you, but you betrayed me, you made my heart bleed profusely…"
***
"You’ve hurt me so much
You’ve disappointed me most of the time
I was getting my hopes too high up
That you would, at least just for once, make things right…
But no, you keep exacerbating the pain, keep throwing me to hell
You keep coming back, not to make me feel better, but to hurt me more
You keep on breaking things up instead of fixing them
I am so sick and tired of all this, I can’t go through them anymore
I just hope that you would do something to make things right this time
But I am not expecting you to do so coz you’ve always disappointed me before
So I guess I’ll just have to look for somebody else to make things right
And be the remedy of the wound you caused me…on you I cannot rely on this time…"
***
"Why are people so cruel? Why do they hurt each other?"
This was a line from the movie, Hotel Rwanda, which is, for me, the best based-on-a-true-story drama picture. Would you believe it? I cried from the beginning of the movie til the credits part. Hahaha! No kidding! It was just so utterly poignant. Tears weren’t just streaming down my face…I was whimpering, I was crying as if I was in the middle of a disastrous/catastrophic situation…I cried as if I was really there in the situation depicted in the movie. Yes, I did cry a lot. It’s hard not to cry while seeing those gruesome brutalities done to innocent people. You’re not human if you don’t get touched by the movie.
I hope that one day, those people who hurt others for no apparent reason will be brought to justice. IT’S NOT EASY TO BE IN PAIN. IT’S NOT AN EASY TASK TO TRY TO GET OVER THE PAIN YOU FEEL IN YOUR HEART. IT’S AN ARDUOUS JOB TO TRY TO CONTAIN THE CONTEMPT, REPUGNANCE AND ANGER IN YOUR HEART. IT’S NOT EASY TO CRY AND WAIL LIKE A CHILD. IT’S NOT EASY TO CRY…IT’S NOT EASY TO CRY…IT’S THE HARDEST THING TO DO IN THIS WORLD…
