Goin’ thru cerebral hygiene…
When I get the chance to empty my mind for a while and undergo a process of "cerebral hygiene", I never fail to pester my cluttered mind with this question: Why is the world so hard to comprehend?
It’s crazy all the time…there’s never been a moment in my life that was sane…well, if it there was then it’s just for a very minute moment…too small for an ant to fit in. I am already on the edge of losing the pint-size remainder of my sanity for trying to understand the things that go around this complex, enigma-ridden journey called life.
I am just a score old. And it seems like I’ve gone through so much alrady that it scares me to death what could be coming in the next 20 years…or maybe in the next 5 minutes. Sometimes, I just wanna turn around and go to where I came from. I wanna run, get a shovel, find an empty, secluded lot and dig my own grave.
But that would be an act of cowardice. And I am not a big fan of that nor those who live by that negative value (or vice, I should say). I hate chicken shits who can’t face the deep shit they got themselves and OTHERS into. I hate those who escape reality and look for the easy way out even at the expense of others…even if that would mean hurting others inconsiderately. Chicken shits don’t deserve to exist in this world…coz they create mess for others then they run like biatches with their skirts up.
So I guess I’ll just have to simplify things. My thinking, especially. I think too much…and I think that’s what messes things up…right? I just have to face and take things like a man (yeah, some women are more masculine in value than "REAL" men. I mean there’s this streotypical perception of guys as "brave, strong, courageous…yadda yadda" But in most cases, it’s girls who exude those values. Guys just play around, f*ck around and mess around and then they run away like cocks. SHAME. SO kudos to us, girls!)
So there. *sniff*
PS Please forgive me for my constant use of explicit words for the past few posts. I’m no bad ass (well, there you go). I don’t say them verbally, really. Just use them to make my writing, well, more powerful. And interesting, I guess. 
Ako’y Pilipino!
Last Thursday, the Political Science Society spearheaded a forum about the government’s stand on the present political and economic situation of the country. The Cabinet Secretary Ricardo Saludo was the speaker…and I was the MC. Hehehe.
The pol sci officers asked me to be early in school, at 8 AM…but unfortunately, I got there rather late coz I was (and still am) too exhausted to drag my ass off the bed. So when I got there, I was panting and gasping for breath. Good thing the speaker wasn’t there yet…so I had some time to get a copy of the program and prepare some stuff to say.
When Secretary Saludo came, we immediately started the program…and as usual, it started with an invocation and the singing of the national anthem. When it came to the singing of the national anthem, one Pol Sci officer went to the sound system to play the CD containing the song. Unfortunately, the CD player wasn’t working…and so our department head, Mr. Mortel, asked me to lead the singing! Hahaha! I had no choice but to do so coz it would delay the program. And so I did. Hehehe. Afterwards, I was like, "Well, I’ve just proven that I’m a true Filipino coz I can sing the national anthem!" Everyone laughed. Then I continued with the program without realizing that I hadn’t asked the audience to take their seats. Our department head reminded me and I was like, "Oh! I’m sorry, I was just too overwhelmed that I could sing the national anthem. Please take your seats." They laughed again.
I love hosting, really especially if it’s spontaneously done. I spur scripted hosting…I want it to be natural…like I’m just having a casual conversation with the audience. So if I don’t get any place in the professional job market, maybe I could make some money out of hosting/being an MC or something. Hehehe.
I love my life now! ;P
Ya Rubb! We got lots of things to do in school…assignments, quizzes, research work, thesis, student council…I still have to secure the papers for my scholarship…then I have to complete the requirements for graduating students. SIGH. My whole body is in a lot of pain right now, but it feels great to know that I’m accomplishing something everyday. I’m can’t afford to be the couch potato that I really am. Hehehe.
I just got from the library…did a lot of research for our assignments and stuff…and of course, the never-ending thesis…photocopied tons of reading materials…it’s draining me physically, mentally and financially too. I’m not a certified destitute. I belong to the 1st decile of the Philippine population…that is, the poorest of the poor. Huhuhu. My thesis mates and I still got some problems with the questionnaire we formulated…still have to get them validated by certain profs…the most hellish part we’ll face for sure is retrieving the data…tallying the stuff…interpreting the data…SIGH.
Paula and I are so ambitious…we’re aiming to get 1.00 in our thesis defense…and we’re "dreaming" of having it published in the Pol Sci journal. Hehehe. Dreamers, indeed. Inshaallah, we’ll make it. We’re pouring sweat and blood on it…so we should realize those.
Nothing much is happening now…I am just so happy to be where I am now. I love my life now! *wink*
BATTLE OF THE BANDS: WE NAILED IT!!!
Thanks to everyone who supported us…EVERYONE.
My three beautiful sisters who’ve always supported and believed in me and my band. I love you Ate Nida, Iza and Aida. You’re our hardcore, die-hard, avid fans! No one can beat your cheers and screams. Yeah, there might just be three of you but when you scream and cheer, it’s as if there’s 3, 000 people! Hahaha!
My lovely Virgin Force friends Pau (my wife), Sy (my mistress), Jocelyn (my estranged wife) and her cousin…thank you so much for being there. You don’t know how much it means to me.
Thanks to the Rotary Club and the FEU chapter of thesame club. Thanks to the old folks (I think one of them was a public official…a governor, if I’m not mistaken who told me that our version of the Hotel California was the best reindition he’s ever heard…it’s his favorite!) who showed so much appreciation for the band. Gosh, they were so proud of us I felt like they were my grandparents or something, patting my back and lauding my band’s work. Thank you so much.
And of course to my sister, Richelle Ed (I had fun with you girl! Love you!), my pretty, pretty Haiyes who looked (and always looks) dazzling and enchanting. I love you girls! Mwah! Mwah! Mwah! Your friendship, your support–everything…means the whole world to me. Yeah, it’s kinda trite to say that but I can’t find any other way to show how much I appreciate you. I love you like my very own sisters.
My Angel G, who’s one of the very few people who truly believe in me and the band. We wouldn’t be there if it weren’t for you. We wouldn’t win if you didn’t believe in us. Plus, you made it so much fun! I love you, Angel! You are indeed the sister that God didn’t give me…coz He thought that I just had too many siblings! Hehehe. Love you angel!
My friends and professors in school who are so proud of me…of the fact that my band won. My IAS-SC family…the people who wanted to be there but couldn’t for some reason…nevertheless, I am so unfathomably grateful to all of you. Thank you so much for believing in me.
AND how can I forget my band. You guys rock! You are so damn good at what you do! WE NAILED IT!!! Let your passion for music live on and on!!! ROCK ON!!!
Finally, ALLAH (SWT). You have the power over eveything in this world be it creatures with life or inanimate ones. If it weren’t for You, everything would be impossible. Alhamdullillah. I am always grateful for all the blessings you’ve showered me ever since the day I caught a glimpse of what’s called WORLD. I know that You bestowed me this gift in music for a profound reason. You didn’t just give it to me for nothing. You gave it to me because You have a purpose…something that You want me to fulfill. You want me to use it to touch other people’s lives. You want me to share it with others. And this I wiil do…because You wouldn’t give me something as special as this if I’m not supposed to use and share it…it’s such a great blessing from You and I’m not gonna throw it away. I’m gonna make the best use of it, share it…and dedicate everything I do with it to You. Alhamdullilliah.
Why Marionne X fell for the Asshole: A puzzle I will never solve…
Last time, I got to talk to Marionne X, the smart girl who stupidly fell for an asshole (read my previous post "Solving the case of Marionne X" so you can relate).
I asked her how she was. Thank God she’s now totally free and happy. She just laughed so hard at everything that happened; she laughed and ridiculed the fact that she fell for a dumb ass, an asshole! She’s not crying anymore. She just shakes her head every time she remembers what that asshole put her through. We’re even making jokes out of it! Hahaha! SIGH. It’s so heartwarming to see your shattered friend whole again…actually, she’s way better than before the asshole turned her life topsy-turvy. And it’s so overwhelming to hear her say that I’m one of the reasons why can smile and laugh nowadays. SIGH. I just love that feeling.
Then she told me, "You know what? I just realized that I’m so stupid for falling for that asshole. For God’s sake, he’s not even handsome!" We both laughed til we felt like peeing in our pants…
I told her, "Ok, let’s look at every aspect of his face value." She shook her head, smiling. "I don’t understand why I fell for that asshole. Probably because he’s pretentiously sweet, which is one of his tactics to make girls for him. He’s such a fucking flirt." "Right," I said in total concurrence. "He’s not even handsome or good-looking, Nessie. His eyes are droopy; his nose is not that good; his lips are not kissable, don’t have a nice form; I don’t even like his skin color coz I actually go for mestizo-like skin tone; and for God’s sake, his head is way too small for his body!" Hahaha! We just laughed like crazy! Then she said, "He looks like that alien creature in Men In Black with a very small head and a big body!" "You can say that again and again," I said while laughing like a maniac. I wanted to laugh more but I couldn’t. It was killing my tummy; my eyes were teary…and I think I really did pee in my pants. Hehehe.
Oh well, I’m just so happy that my friend is happy too. It’s so great to see her smiling, shining and beautiful again!
I told her, "Girl, tell him this, ‘You’re so lucky and you should be grateful that I was so stupid to fall for you! You should be thankful that I loved you despite the fact that your head is way too small for your body!" Bwahahahaha! I’m mean, I know. But it’s the truth. And God, good thing Marionne is not as bad ass as I am. Hehehe. I think the size of his head, that is it’s way too small for his body, explains why he’s such a dumb ass! Bwahahaha!
Well, I guess the time that Marionne allowed the asshole to wreck her life, her SANITY was on a vacation in one of the Caribbean Islands. Hahaha! Maybe that should explain why she fell for him. Yeah, I’ll satisfy myself with that…coz I’m going loco myself trying to excavate the answer to this very mind-boggling, brain-bleeding-causing enigma… ;P
I met Lee Kwan Yu!!! :D
I had a great time yesterday. It was tiring but it was another great experience.
I, along with my friends Paula and Jeanne, went to Intercontinental Hotel Manila in Makati to attend this seminar about the Lee Kwan Yu scholarship. OK, he wasn’t really there, I didn’t meet him but I had fun–from the time we went there till I went home.
Pau and I didn’t attend our last class. We asked our professor to excuse us and he was like, "Hey, you make sure that you’re really going there to attend a seminar, ha? Coz it looks like you’re going there to party!" We just laughed and told him that we’d get a letter from the school or something to prove to him that we were going there for that seminar.
So the three of us (Jeanne, Pau and I) left school at around 6:20 PM…we’re hurrying coz we were late…the seminar would start at 7 PM. At first we weren’t really sure what to take to get there…we first thought of taking a cab…but we’d be very late coz of the damn traffic jam. Then we just decided to take the LRT then MRT…
Paula, the selfish girl that she is (hehehe), found a seat for herself. Jeanne and I contented ourselves with standing while chatting about crazy stuffs. We were so rambunctious that Pau, who was seated far from us, could actually hear the things we talked about…hahaha! That’s embarassing…
Then we took the MRT going to Makati (while we were in, we spotted this girl sitting opposite me and Pau…man, she was so pretty…I think she’s Japanese or something…she’s so pretty…I think she just made me realize that I’m a dyke…hahaha!) So when we finally arrived at the venue, we went to the restroom…and man, I stank like hell already. Hehehe. I was all sweaty and stuff.
So the program started…some videos/slide presentation about the scholarship were shown and presented by the speakers…then there was the usual thing–question and answer segment. And there was this very cocky guy who asked a question…but before he did, he related his biography to the people…huh, didn’t impress anyone. I told Pau that I’d ask a question and to introduce myself, I’d go like, "Good evening. I’m Nesrin Cali, a very ordinary, simple girl from the Far Eastern University, wishfully hoping to qualify for the scholarship." Hehehe.
After the program, Pau and I left the place to go home. I was about to see her off coz she was gonna take the MRT. Then suddenly, a little voice told me, "Go back. Don’t go home yet." So I told her, "Let go back and grab something to bite before we go home." And we did. We hanged out at this little park across Oakwood and talked. AND THEN she realized that she forgot and left the paper bag she was carrying which contained her uniform at the venue!!! Hahaha! She’s suffering from senile psychosis… That’s why on our way home, suddenly something pulled me back. I felt that we left something. So we had to go back. We went to the ballroom where the program was held and we saw the crew packing things up. We asked them if they’d seen this paper bag. Good thing they kept it. Hahaha! It was pretty embarassing.
I had fun, really especially that I spent it with Pau. I had a great time even without actually meeting Lee Kwan Yu.
Your Weakness, I wholly Detest
"Your Weakness, I Wholly Detest"
I thought you were strong
To go on, to carry on
But you’re vulnerable
You can’t fight for what you want.
Your phony imperviousness,
Your pretentious chauvinistic ideals
Disgust me, it’s more than appalling
It’s contemptible, for they’re not real
YOU ARE WEAK, admit it
YOU ARE EVEN WEAKER, by denying it
You’re not worth it
Because I detest your weakness.
–Irene Dan
Elation in Hell
Innocently playing in my peaceful field
You called my name, music to my ears, and smiled at me
From afar, you stood there like an angel
Waved and said, "Come here, come here
I’ll take you to a place of absolute exultation
With me, my dear, with me."
Confused and put into a state of imbroglio
I REJECTED YOU THRICE
But your dangerously deceitful, seemingly innocuous features
Your FEIGNED persistence, sincerity and pure intentions
Made me, now with deep regret, change my mind
Never looked back and didn’t think twice
Inveigled, because of my extreme naiveté
I took your hand as you dragged me
We ran and we ran and we ran happily
An overwhelming state of elation swirling around us
Thinking we’d get to that place you promised me
While you hid under your cloak of false sincerity
And yes, we still ran and ran and ran
Till we were desiccated and drained
Yet the hope of reaching that place was burning in me
My strength, my patience, my body, my soul
I preserved till we’d reach your promise land
Ignorant, I realized I was the only one dreaming, ALONE
Rugged roads, violent storms, vile creatures
They were ubiquitous, all the way, but despite that
I made myself my own and YOUR bulwark
To shield not me, but YOU, YOU WEAKLING
But it wasn’t enough to make you strong
You whimpered and pleaded not to carry on
I tried fueling the hope in you, to keep it burning
Pushed you to be strong, to be patient, to be enduring
You said you’d try, you’d try for the time being
And if you couldn’t take it anymore
You’d leave me like a trash you picked, without feelings
You truly are a weakling, YOU ARE A WEAKLING
Betrayal, the worst form of evil a man can do
You should know, that’s why I LEFT YOU
You lured me into this, I NEVER WANTED YOU
And you have the face to say you’re somnolent and tired
THIS WAS WHOLLY YOUR DREAM, NOT MINE
I was only instrumental in having it almost realized
I LEFT YOU, you lie there, I don’t care
For I’M GOING BACK HOME, away FROM THIS HELL
I HAVE MOVED ON, I’m proud of myself
I can’t waste my time, my energy for this worthless
Place of happiness you said we’d go to
I CAN FIND HAPPINESS AGAIN COMPLETELY WITHOUT YOU!
“The Tale of the Life Wrecker and Her”
"The Tale of the Life Wrecker and Her"
You came into her life
She was innocent, pure and clean
You asked her to leave her life behind
Promised her utopia she’s never seen
You smiled at her and took her with you
Being so credulous, she turned her back
On everything she belived in–the truth
She put her future at risk, her life at that
You polluted her immaculate mind
You turned her into a destructive demon
To herself, she was wounding herself every night
That she’d look in the mirror, she’d see her pretty face turned evil
You turned her into Satan’s daughter
By making her love you unfathomably
She fell lower and lower and lower
Down to the Dungeon of Doom helplessly
You made her drink cyanide
She willingly gulped it down for you
She constantly contemplated suicide
You poisoned her soul, you fool
You turned her into someone contemptible
You molded her onto someone she’s not
She was sick, she was dying, she was vulnerable
She was someone she didn’t know, she herself forgot
You flirted around with your whores and fucked them
Fondled them like toys, satisfied your insatiable carnal desires
While she crawled on the ground bleeding
She subsisted on what you have been feeding her–LIES!
You’re a ruthless, self-conceited monster
She sinned for you just to love you
You killed her, you MOTHERFUCKER
You killed who she really is; you lead her to her doom
I have to save her, bring her back to life
I will find the corpse and resuscitate her
Even if that will take me my whole lifetime
For it is her that I truly love, yes, I remember
I detest the person that she has become
I have nothing but contempt for you
For all these ugliness that you’ve done
I will bathe her until she becomes pure
It is her that I need here to make me breathe right now
I need her back here, I miss her like hell
I miss the lady she was before you came to ruin her, to crush her on the ground
I will search for her till my own life ends
And I will breathe life into her dry, dessicated mouth
Until she glows with vivacity and life
You will pay, I assure you, for the life you stole form her and I vow
To smother you till you breathe no more, TILL YOU DIE!!!
***
I detest the person she became with you
I despise the person you turned her into
But above all else, I fucking hate you
Don’t ask if that’s the whole truth
Coz I fucking hate you, I do
I want spaghetti!
My friends are so bad! They keep on teasing me about that stupid MYMP. They were like, "Nessie, do you have an MYMP CD? May we borrow it?" I was like, "YUCK!!! THAT’S NOT MY TYPE! NOT MY TASTE! I’M NOT SLOPPY/MUSHY! I’M A ROCK STAR!!!" Hehehe. Then they started singing the following:
(Sung in the tune of "Come On and Get Me")
I want spaghetti, spaghetti, spaghetti
Maraming sauce, I want spaghetti
Ayoko ng lomi, lomi, lomi
I want spaghetti…
Hahaha! Just laughed it off! Crazy people! I’m not affected with their stupid jokes or with them teasing me. Hehehe. I’m just so happy right now. I’m really setting my mind to make this sem the best one…since it’s my last one in college!
