I’m an ALCOHOLIC ogre…
Gosh, I’m really loving this JFK training program. Just finished today’s session…and just like the first two days, today is loaded with lots of fun and of course learning.
The first activity that we had this morning was we were given some questions that are commonly asked by interviewers/employers. When my turn came, I went straight to the front…I was all set and ready to do it.
It went well durig the first part until this question came:
WHAT ARE YOUR WEAKNESSES?
I started off by saying this (in a very serious, as-a-matter-of-fact manner) : "I believe that I’m not actually weak in any area but I do have such weaknesses such as being an ALCOHOLIC, a perfectionist…"
Then the crowd just fell silent. The silence was followed by repressed guffaws. Someone told me that I said I was ALCOHOLIC! I was like, "Did I say I’m ALCOHOLIC?!" ANd everyone was like, "Yeah, you did!" I just laughed til my tummy hurt. I was like, "How can I be an alcoholic when I don’t even drink?!" Everyone just laughed.
Stupid me. I was supposed to say WORKAHOLIC. It was an innocent slip of the tongue. Maybe a Freudian slip? Hahaha! Just kidding.
To make me feel not so embarrassed, I tried to make fun of it all through out. When the question "How do you see yourself 10 years from now?" came, I was like, "I see myself in a rehab." It’s pretty embarrassing, but at least I was able to get away with it. Sheesh. Alcoholic. Who the hell would hire me if I were an alcoholic?! Even dudes from Budweiser would definitely tell me to kiss their arse. Gosh.
And yeah, we played this game too. We had to all stand up and form a circle. One’s gonna come up with a category…like English movies, for instance. So all of us had to think of any English movie and whisper it to the person on our right side. That person would use that movie title to answer whatever question posed to him. Percy (our fabulous facilitator) gave me the movie Shrek. So my turn came and I was asked: "If you were to be reincarnated, who would you wanna be?" Before I could even utter the answer, I laughed so loud I almost went crazy coz the question really fit the movie title given to me. When I said Shrek, everyone just burst out laughing unontrollaby.
So that’s how I became an alcoholic ogre.
When I get the time, I’ll post the complete happenings of this whole JFK training.
Tata for now. 
To Neth…
I’d see you around
I’d look at your eyes
And they’d glow like that of an innocent child
Ecstatic, effervescent you were
You were full of life…
I’ve known you for not so long
But your whole being
Overwhelmed me
Your sincerity
Has taken over me…
What I didn’t know
Was behind that pristine smile of yours
Was a bleeding heart
An ugly burden you didn’t deserve to carry
I could’ve eased the pain for you
I could’ve tried to lift off the weight that hampered your breathing
I could’ve if only you asked me to
But you never did–you enshrouded your pain
With your smile
And chose to say goodbye…
***
Resenneth Nato…it’s sad that you chose to leave this world and escape all the ugliness that it contains. I will always remember you as the jolly, alive-and-kicking girl…you were always smiling…you never showed a tinge of pain…and I’m just so dumbfounded to know that you decided to end your journey which we all call life…
Thank you for the sincerity you showed me in the short span of time that I spent with you…
May God bless your soul and wherever you are right now, I hope you’ve found peace and tranquility…the very thing that you never possessed in this world…
The society is full of weird m****f***!
Weird things have been happening to me lately. The latest one was just a while ago. God, I almost fainted.
I was on my way home with a friend (Tere) from this JFK Training Program being held in school (which will run for 5 days, 8AM-5PM!!! I’m not a morning person so getting up early is an arduous job fro me). We were like talking about what transpired during the seminar. Walking behind us was an old lady in an all-white outfit. She seemed to be giving out a harangue…like she was berating someone…she was very furious and mad…I thought someone was teasing, pissing her off or irritating her.
Tere and I didn’t really mind her. We just went on talking about what happened.
AND THEN…
Before I knew it, she was beside me, screaming and yelling at me and she hit me on my left arm! I got the shock of my life, so to speak. We were so scared we ran to inside this building, laughing!
But I pity her. She’s not in a good mental state, I guess. So I’ll just pray for her.
How weird can your day get, huh?
Free Me…
"I closed my door for you
You pushed me to shut it…
But now, there seems to be a deluge
Of signs that remind me of you
I don’t want to open my eyes
And see them…feel them
Beceause they only make me cry…
They confuse me, they make me bleed more
I try so hard to figure out and understand
Why they have to come to me at this point in time
These are things that are beyond the ken of man
Only God, the Omnipotent, knows what they’re trying to tell me
God, I ask for your protection…I want to be free of all these…"
A Serendipitous Experience
Just got out from school, screaming like a madcap b****! I’m really pissed off with our long quiz in research…statistics…ugh…I hate numbers.
I’m so stressed out. Yeah, we only have 2 days of classes…but it seems like I have no enough time to do everything…shit, I have to remember that I’m aiming to realize this goal after this sem. Ya Allah! I’ll try to manage my time…ugh. The thesis thing is eating up almost all my time everyday…geez, I wanna cry now. 
I haven’t had any decent sleep since school opened. Sometimes, I miss my daily prayers…but I try to offer them as best as I could…like when I get home at night, I "pay" for the ones I missed…it’s very tasking…but the reward I’ll receive from Allah (Inshaallah) will all be worth it.
***
Speaking of thesis, we’ve already been doing our survey, the actual field work, for the past week now…it’s so excruciating…we need 305 respondents from Barangay Escopa 1 alone…we’ve accomplished 140 so far…so we need like 165 more. Sheesh.
So far, it’s been fun. Though it’s physically demanding, it’s a lot of fun…some of my classmates warned us before that since Escopa 1 was a depressed area, people there are kinda scary…like they’d harm you in broad daylight…but the case isn’t like that at all…people there are actually very accommodating, very friendly…they even helped us find people to answer the questionnaires! They’d go around themselves, distributing them to their neighbors, friends or anyone sitting around doing nothing. Never thought they’d be that helpful.
And there’s this old man (about 65 years) I interviewed. In the course of the interview, he told me, "You don’t look like a Filipino. Do you have any foreign blood?" I told him that I’m pure Filipino and that I grew up abroad. "Where?" he asked. "Saudi." "Oh, where in Saudi?" he asked. "Jeddah…have you been there, Sir?" "Yeah, I’ve been working there for so long. I’ve been assigned in Jubail, Riyadh, Dammam and Jeddah," he related. I don’t know but I just felt so happy…and at the same time sad…nostalgic. He further said, "I was one of the engineers who constructed the Jamjoom Center." "Oh my God! Jamjoom Center!" I said, smiling…memories of Jeddah coming back suddenly… "I’d always hang out there with my family," I told him. FYI, Jamjoom is one of the biggest and most frequented malls in Jeddah. Then he related his experiences there…some stuff about his boss, the filthy rich Sheikh Jamjoom…then he asked me if I were Muslim. "Yes, I am," I answered. Then he suddenly stood up and placed his left hand on his heart. "Assalamualaikum!" he said. At first, I was startled but nevertheless, I replied "Waalaikumisalam." It turned out that he converted to Islam a long time ago! He told me that he didn’t leave Saudi without making sure that he performed Hajj (pilgrimage)…he related to me that he was almost always in Makkah performing Umrah. My heart just melted…I don’t know I was just so happy to have met a Muslim brother in a predominantly non-Muslim area…never thought that I would meet a Muslim there. Plus memories of Saudi particualrly Jeddah just flooded inside my head. I almost cried.
After the interview, he stood up and said "Assalamualaikum" to which I promptly replied with "Waalaikumisalam". "Allhamdullillah, we met," he said. I told him that he could go to the Golden Mosque in Quiapo. "Yes, I go there sometimes. I meet up with other Balik-Islam people." "Sir, is your family Muslim too?" I asked him. "Unfortunately, I am the only Muslim in the family." Well, at least. "I hope we’ll meet again, my sister in Islam," he said as I prepared to leave. "Inshaallah, we will."
SIGH…it’s such a great feeling to talk to someone who could actually relate to you…and it’s so overwhelming to know that there’s a Muslim in that area…I’m planning to give him a Tagalog-translated Qur’an Inshaallah after our survey there. Inshaallah.
Not that I’m being biased or anything, but if only people would get to know the true essence of Islam…I know it’d melt their hearts. If only they’d be open-minded and discard their misconceptions about the religion (well, thanks to extremists who use Islam as an excuse to justify their deplorable acts, there’s not a need to say that terrorism is largely attributed to Islam. Unfair.) I’m sure their hearts would melt. If only they’d be reasonable and logical enough, I know that they’d find peace in Islam…if only they’d open their eyes and try to understand why the religion prohibits a lot of things (e.g. wine), if only they’d delve deeper and understand the reasons behind such prohibitions, I know that they’d realize that Islam is truly a realigion of peace. The name "Islam" in fact connotes peace. Just like what our department head said, Islam is the one and true religion (I was so surprised to learn that he’s a Muslim and that he studied in Madinah!). But nevertheless, I truly respect other kinds of faith. If I’d let people see the true meanig of Islam, of course I wouldn’t force them to accept it. I’d use reason and logic to explain things to them…and it’d be up to them if they’d be open-minded about it or not…but really, I found true peace in Islam…since the day I totally surrendered myself to it. I am now doing quite good in performing my daily prayers…I just have to start wearing the "tarha/veil" some time soon, Inshaallah. I have to wear the prescribed hijab, Inshaallah when I got to law school or pursue higher studies. Mashaallah.
SIGH…I think I really want to live in Saudi Arabia the rest of my life. Inshaallah, I will live there till my last day in this world. It’s my home…I left my heart in that place…so I’m going back for it and I’m going to grow old and die there, Inshaallah. Not that I’m not being patriotic or anything…but Saudi Arabia is just the place where I want to be…I am so much used to the culture there…the lifestyle…the traditions and customs…everything…I love it there and that’s where I’ll go Inshaallah after graduation.
Inshaallah.
Selfish, Conceited, Lying Scoundrel, FLIRT and Coward…
The adjectives used as the title of this entry are words that don’t completely describe Marionne X’s antagonist, the Asshole, of course (well, if you don’t know who Marionne X is, she’s a friend of mine whose disastrous life with a jerky monster has been constantly abused by the author as the central subject of the latter’s entries) I said "don’t completely depict" because they don’t. There are still myriad of disgusting characteristics of this Asshole that I wish to reserve as topic for my future entries.
I got to talk to Marionne X yesterday and she reflected at how selfish and inscosiderate the Asshole was (and definitely still is).
"Come to think of it…I was very busy doing doing a paper work that morning…I SMSd him to greet him ‘good morning’…and he replied back in a very sarcastic way," Marionne related as she took a sip of her soda.
"What do you mean by ‘in a very sarcastic way?" I asked, my eyebrows meeting.
"Well, he said ‘Good morning to you too. I know that you’ll have a good day too. And I need to talk to you.’"
"FUCK HIM!" I shouted.
"Don’t shout at me," she said half-smiling.
"How could he say that you’re gonna have a good day when all along he planned to shatter you into pieces that day?!" I told her, my blood rushing to my head. "Motherfucker!"
"OK, you’re getting too explict again, Nessie."
"Sorry. Go on."
"From that point, I knew that there’s something wrong. I don’t know, but I just froze. I couldn’t feel anything. I was paralyzed from head to toe. My brain just shut off," she said, looking down. I could see the pain in her eyes, coming back again.
"I told him that my brain just shut off and I couldn’t work anymore on my paperwork. I asked him if we could meet up in an hour. He said he’s got an appointment with his dentist."
"HAHAHA! SO HE PLACES MORE VALUE ON HIS TEETH THAN YOU!!! HAHAHA! You’re so cheap, Marionne!" I told her, laughing til my tummy hurt. But I was too insensitive towards her feelings. She didn’t like what I just said. She was hurt. "I’m sorry," I apologized.
"It’s OK. It’s true naman e. He never valued me like the way I did value him…he never valued me like he should. He totally took me for granted," she said, her eyes starting to sparkle…not because she was joyful…but because tears were strating to pour down.
"Come on girl, stop that. You’re making me cry too," I said, punching her slightly on the arms. I wanted to cheer her up.
"I told him ‘Why don’t you just shoot me in the head so I’d die at once?! Why do you have to make me die slowly?’ He told me to be strong," she said, looking at the ceiling this time.
"Huh! Strong my ass! Who was causing you pain? It’s him, right? And he had the fucking nerve to tell you to be strong?!" I said, enraged.
"I know…he even wished me luck on our GA…remember we had it that day?" "Yeah," I said. Of course I should remember. I hosted it. I sang too. Hehehe.
"After our GA, he met up with me…he even told me I looked beautiful in my outfit and that I smelled good," she said, disgusted at remembering his face.
"Huh! Lines from motherfucking jerks. That’s what they do, you know," I said as-a matter-of-factly.
"Then without a warning, he told me that he was going to ‘follow’ his dad." (BTW, the Asshole claimed that he had to leave Marionne after he fooled her because of his dad…yuck, what a lame excuse. Gosh, he’s like too old already, he’s graduated and he’s a pretending "law" student and that’s the best excuse he could come up with? His dad? What the fuck? He’s lying, I know. This stupid Marionne <sorry girl> bought every lie he fed her. So girls, learn from her…hehehe).
"I just cried so hard…like never before. Looking back, I know I was so pathetic. I’m so disgusted with myself. But it also still makes me cry…coz he could watch me die like that…in front of him," she said with very sad eyes.
"And just two days before, you celebrated his birthday together, right?" I asked. I remembered. I should…because Marionne, on his birthday, left US (her thesis mates) with all her responsibilities for the group so she could go out with that fucking Asshole. See how selfish he is? She ditched all her responsibilities to make him "happy" on his God-damned birthday, considering the fact that the following day was the deadline for the submission of the thesis proposal!!! I’m not mad at her for doing that because she told me her plan for that day…she was actually planning to work with us all day then see him after his class…but the selfish asshole that he is, he demanded that they go out during the day. She had no choice but to comply…that’s how much she valued and loved him (yuck, Marionne. You’re so yucky! Hahaha!) Yeah, I was kinda pissed off with her coz our job was doubled and our submission was delayed…our professor actually got mad at us…but we couldn’t berate her because she was emotionally suffering that time. The group almost broke up because of that fucking asshole. Arrgh! I feel like strangling him whenever I’d think of how much he affected her and all of us for that matter!
"He’s so selfish! He didn’t even consider the fact that we were having our finals that time!" she said. Yeah, I know. She didn’t review during the final exams because she was so disturbed. She almost screwed up in her debate. See how fucking asshole that asshole is? I pray he pays for all that he’s done to you, girl. I know that he will, God willing. I’ll pray for you.
"And he’s such a fucking coward," she said as she took one more sip of her soda.
"What made you say that?" I asked.
"Well, now he’s totally vanished…I mean he cannot be contacted at all. He’s not checking his mails…he changed his 3 CP numbers…he basically escaped and ran away from me!"
"Oh, really? That FUCKING CHICKEN SHIT?! Why can’t he face the mess he made, right?" I shouted again.
"Please, don’t shout at me! I’m not him, OK?" She said, joking.
"He’s not a man. He’s got no balls (though I think literally, he’s got big balls. Hahaha!) He didn’t even say sorry and I don’t think he has plans of doing so," she said.
"COWARD! GOD, HE’S SUCH A COWARD!" I shouted…yes, again.
"Do you have to shout at me like I’m gazillion miles away from you?"
"Sorry," I apologized for the nth time. I couldn’t help it. I feel like killing that dickhead.
"He hurt me so much. He lied, he was very dishonest with me. He had so many shortcomings. In the relationship, I was the only one who exerted so much effort to make it work…and it’s funny coz I shouldn’t be doing so coz I never ever wanted to have it with him…I don’t know…I was blinded, I guess. I’m more hurt and disappointed at the fact that he never said sorry for what he’s done…he’s not making up at all for what he’s done to me…his shortcomings," she said.
"You know what? If he would show and exert some effort, gather his balls and do something to make things right, I think I would feel less angry at him. But he’s exacerbating things…he’s aggravating the pain by what he’s doing now, that motherfucking coward," she said.
"Well, what do you expect, girl? No wonder why his father is very disappointed at him…he can never do things right…he’s a fucking jerk and the only thing he knows how to do is create mess, DROP SHIT ON OTHERS AND RUN AWAY LIKE A FUCKING FAGGOT!" I told her. Before we knew it, our professor was already in front of the class.
MORE ENTRIES ABOUT THE ASSHOLE COMING YOUR WAY!!!
Dark Shadows of Yesterday
"Dark Shadows of Yesterday"
I want to wake up one day
And feel the warmth of the sun on my face
I want to open my eyes and marvel
At the beauty of this place
This confusing, sometimes wicked place called World
And smile and embrace the beauty of life
That day is coming soon…I can see the sun’s rays
Slowly emerging and washing away
Last night’s dark shade…
I don’t want to live in the dark shadows
Of yesterday anymore…because yesterday, you existed
And I don’t want to live a life where you’re alive
I want yesterday dead…and YOU as well
For as long as you’re alive, dwelling in my mind
I’d be living in the dark shadows of your ugliness…
I want my life flooded with beauty and happiness
And so I will wash you away, leaving no remains of you alive
For my world has been engulfed in darkness…when you came around…
Twelve Blank Pages
"Twelve Blank Pages"
I opened twelve blank pages of my life
For you to write on
Clean, immaculate they were
I hoped you’d create
With your resonating mind
Beautiful literary works
Truthful prose and verses
Of our lives
That I hoped to be eternally printed
On those twelve blank pages
But you wrote nothing but words
Of UGLINESS–dishonesty, deception and lies
You created stories with morbid tone
You wrote terrible, sinister poems
That evoked nothing but melancholy
Pain, tears and the bleeding of my heart
You scribbled pain on all of those twelve pages
You tampered and mauled them to pieces
And you have the face to tell me
That I should keep them, read them, preserve them
Like it’s the most beautiful chapter written for me
You deny the truth that you created nothing but sadness
In those twelve pages, you deny that you poured black ink
All over them–you are trying to make me swallow your lies
All over again–my apologies but the capacity of my mind
Surpasses that of yours, which can only create beautiful lies
Which, as much as I’d like to deny, I bought fifty thousand times!
Now I am slowly tearing off the twelve pages that you destroyed
I’m tearing them to minute pieces and throwing them off
Piece by piece at the fireplace and your FUCKING UGLY FACE
I am scraping the image off my brain, and the pollution you placed
Inside my cluttered head, I’m cleaning it to make me sane…
There, the pieces burn…they turn into black soot
The form which they deserve to take because you
Do not deserve a single FUCKING page in my book of life
You do not have the prerogative to be remembered
As a decent human being at all…because YOU’RE A FUCKING ASSHOLE!!!
Dreams and Signs…
Sometimes, I wish everything could be explained by science. As much as I’d want to be a positivist (like Auguste Comte), I just don’t think that it would help in explaining weird and mysterious things that pop out from nowhere in my daily life.
DREAMS…sometimes, they can get really creepy…they freak me out. They do carry messages…I don’t really know where they come from (God, perhaps?)…but they do bring messages…warnings…sometimes, they do become real.
I remember back in 5th grade…I dreamt that I, along with my lil’ sis and bro, was being chased in school by these 5 bulky, muscled Indian men…that day in school, my sis & I got into trouble coz we went to the BOYS’ WING of the school…we didn’t know that girls weren’t supposed to step in the BOYS’ turf…so the headmaster asked this student to chase us so we could be brought to the disciplinary office…but the three of us just ran away…good thing when we got to the girls’ gate, my Dad arrived just in time to rescue us from being hit on the arse!
Then a few months back, my friend Dawnie dreamt that I died…that he saw me lying on the floor, my throat lacerated…I was bleeding profusely…that I was already no more…the girlie girl that he is (sorry Dawnie…hehehe) he woke up and cried.
The weird thing is a night after Dawnie dreamt that, I had a dream too that was connected to his dream. It’s really terrible, I don’t wanna recall. In that dream, Dawnie kinda saved me.
AND THAT’S WHAT EXACTLY HAPPENED. Days later, I was about to face one of the rockiest periods of my life.
Now, another friend of mine dreamt something about me…it’s really scary when your friends dream of you…
Whatever that means, I want to leave it all to Allah. It is only He who knows what’s gonna happen. I guess these dreams are just…used by God as media of messages…warning that He wants to relay to us. I pray that whatever might happen to me, He will protect and take care of me…coz I do believe in dreams…
SIGNS…
It sounds kinda superstitious…I know I’m a lady in the high-tech era…and seemingly silly beliefs should be dispensed with…but I do believe in the signs that we ask for…and the signs that God give us…coz they seem to pop out from nowhere…all of a sudden…it’s weird, I know but I do believe in signs…
However, I’m not gonna let these rule my life…I mean, yeah, the do carry scary messages…something terrible might happen to us in the future, which God wants to warn us about…but still, I believe that if you pray hard…you can overcome them…you can stop them from realizing…
DREAMS and SIGNS…you’re creeping me out.
Her Only Way Out of Hell…
I watched her closely as she stood before the mirror. Her face was surrounded by a mist of sadness–so strong that I could almost see it swirling around her head like a thick, black smoke slowly blurring vision of her pretty face…it was really strong that I could even smell it–it was so foul and putrid that I stopped breathing for a while. I thought I could even taste it…it was horribly pungent.
She was crying again.
She’s beautiful. But the despondency she had been put through for so long–the mental and emotional torture she had been undergoing slowly crippled her…and the very core of her soul.
She turned so ugly. She was so pale and frail that with just one little blow of the wind, she would crumble into little, pitiful shards…which would be too sharp to put back together.
Yes, she’s so ugly. The luminousity that used to radiate from her face was all sucked by the darkness that surrounded her. She was stripped off the pulchritude that rightfully belonged to her.
I followed her to school the other day. She was so immersed in her pain that it seemed she wasn’t aware of where she was headed. It looked like she was walking without a particular direction in mind. She was so engrossed with the pain that she didn’t notice me following her like a shadow. But I knew she felt me around…coz she glanced back once. At that point, I really wished she would see me…and then I’d slap her back to reality…that there’s no point in crying…that there’s still life out there, waiting for her…and she’s just gotta embrace it…that life is beautiful…but she never did. The only thing she saw was the pain…the hurt…the ugliness caused by this demonic creature, who ascended to earth directly from Hell.
She sat in class, mindless of the rumbunctious sounds people made. She was in a crowded room alright, but she was confined in her solitude. She was just staring…I knew she was trying so hard to contain her emotions…she didn’t want anyone to know what she was going through.
She went home, still feeling the same way. She went straight to bed and curled herself up like a fetus inside a mother’s womb…yearning so desperately for someone to hold her…comfort her…help her find a way out of the hell she was forcefully pushed into. She wailed like never before.
I pitied her so much. It’s so painful to see her that way. I could almost feel the weight, the gravity of the painful burden she was carrying. It was my heart’s desperate desire to soothe her tortured heart, mind and soul in any way I could…I wanted so badly to peel off the ugly, superficial skin she grew. I wanted to skin her alive.
She was contemptible. I wasn’t exactly sure who to mke my object of intense abhorrence–I knew she turned that way because of a mnsterous, merciless, ruthless creature who poisoned her in every way possible. I DETEST THAT MONSTER…but I came to realize that I loathed what she’s become even more.
I watched her whimper and toss and turn in bed. It was a piteous sight…it seemed as if her intestines had sharp, razor-like teeth and were chewing her inside. I could really feel her pain this time and it moved me to…TEARS.
I sat beside her contorted body and I tried to comfort her though I knew it was a cretinous move for nothing could seem to ease her pain…
"What can I do to make you feel better?" I finally spoke. She didn’t say a word. She just went on crying.
I myself couldn’t concoct a scheme to get her out of what that vile creature put her through because I was so much affected. Just a sight of her made me want to die…
And so I surrendered and resigned myself to the fact that there’s only ONE THING I could do tohelp her. ONLY ONE…
"Sit up straight," I told her. Fortunately, she was sane enough to hear me. All of a sudden, she embraced me, held me so tight, pressed her face exactly at the spot where my heart is and cried all the tears she had left. I couldn’t help it but cry with her. I knew she wanted me to help her release the pain and ugliness that had been left to rot in her chest for so long…then she looked me in the eye and pleaded…"Please help me…please help me…I don’t wanna be like this anymore…"
I broke down. I couldn’t take it anymore. I couldn’t tolerate it anymore. It was twice as painful for me to see her SUFFER that way…
So I lead her to the mirror where she stood before that morning and asked her to look at herself. "You were so beautiful. But look at you now. I hate who you’ve become." Silence took over the room. The only sound I could hear was her labored breathing…
I wiped her tears away. "I will help you," I assured her.
I ran my fingers on her once thin, satin-like skin and felt how much it was ruined. Then I decided that there’s no reason for me to delay what I had to do for her.
So I stood behind her while she sat frail and enervated. I looked in the mirror. For the first time since she was thrown with the cluster of pain–betrayal, dishonesty, emotional abuse–she smiled. I was exultant to see that smile…even if it lasted for just a little while…
I planted a kiss on her forehead before I asked her to look straight up to me. "You will be free…"
Before we knew it, we were bathing in blood…
I buried her today in a place which I myself do not remember. I chose to keep it that way because I don’t want any memories of who she’s become with that vile, brutish, selfish monster. I don’t want any remnants of her inside my head. She was in such a moribund state. I had to do exactly what my reason whispered. I LACERATED HER THROAT.
I know that tomorrow, she will be reincarnated…and she will be who she inherently is from the very beginning: BEAUTIFUL, HOPEFUL, HAPPY and SMILING…
