Simple and Clean
This is a song that my friend gave me to listen to. Actually, she’s been meaning to let me listen to it a long time ago…like back in 3rd year I think…finally, I got to listen to it and it’s just…beautiful. I’m thinking of infusing some heavy rock sound in it ala Evanescence…coz the singer sounds a bit like Amy Lee (it’s just wonderful that she’s Japanese and she’s singning in English…huh?). Can’t wait to hear how it’ll sound.
"Simple and Clean"
Utada Hikaru
When you walk away
You don’t hear me say please
Oh baby, don’t go
Simple and clean is the way that you’re making me feel tonight
It’s hard to let it go
You’re giving me too many things
Lately you’re all I need
You smiled at me and said,
Don’t get me wrong I love you
But does that mean I have to meet your father?
When we are older you’ll understand
What I meant when I said "No,
I don’t think life is that simple"
When you walk away
You don’t hear me say please
Oh baby, don’t go
Simple and clean is the way that you’re making me feel tonight
It’s hard to let it go (so simple and clean)
The daily things (like this and that and what is what) that keep us all busy
Are confusing me
That’s when you came to me and said,
Wish I could prove I love you
But does that mean I have to walk on water?
When we are older you’ll understand
It’s enough when I say so
And maybe some things are that simple
When you walk away
You don’t hear me say please
Oh baby, don’t go
Simple and clean is the way that you’re making me feel tonight
It’s hard to let it go
Hold me
Whatever lies beyond this morning
Is a little later on
Regardless of warnings the future doesn’t scare me at all
Nothing’s like before
When you walk away
You don’t hear me say please
Oh baby, don’t go
Simple and clean is the way that you’re making me feel tonight
It’s hard to let it go
Hold me
Whatever lies beyond this morning
Is a little later on
Regardless of warnings the future doesn’t scare me at all
Nothing’s like before
Hold me
Whatever lies beyond this morning
Is a little later on
Regardless of warnings the future doesn’t scare me at all
Nothing’s like before
What do you get when you cross Vicky Belo and my thesis?
We just finished "statistically ttreating" our data yesterday, using the SPSS. Whoever invented that program, may God allow you to enter Heaven. Hehehe. It made it so much easier for us…I just don’t know what we’d do if we’d tabulate things manually…I mean 635 respondents and 60+ questions? It’ll take us forever to finish it! We’re almost there…almost.
SIGH. Hope we finish it on time. This thesis thing has caused me so many wrinkles on my face. Huhuhu. Oh well, there’s Vicky Belo. I can count on her. ;p Whatever.
Catharsis
There used to be so much confusion around me…anger, hatred and pain. And it’s exacerbated by some "stuffs" that I’ve been seeing (no, I don’t see dead people).
But…thank God He sent me an angel, my "Afterglow" by the name of Haiyes. She really cleared things up for me…she told me, "Just a little more patience. God has something in store for you…something that you really deserve. It’s worth all the pain and tears you’ve cried. Don’t think of all the negative things. Think of the positive things that’s coming. And most importantly, entrust everything to God." That really took all the negativities away from me. I’m so much happier.
Thank you, Pretty Haiyes. You don’t know how much you helped me purge all the negative emotions I felt before. I love you girl. You truly are my Afterglow. Thank you sooo much. And I will do just that. Mwah! 
Newsflash for this week
Thanks a lot to all those who supported me during the contest…without you guys, I wouldn’t have won…not that it’s a big, big, major thing but…yeah, I’m happy…I’m vindicated. Bwehehehe. Kidding.
Of course, without Him, it wouldn’t be possible. Before I sang (You Raise Me Up), I whispered, "This is for you." And good thing He allowed things to happen that way. Alhamdullillah.
***
Last week was really debilitating…the contest…the rehearsal for the concert…God, it really ate whatever enrgy left in me. But it’s OK…it all paid off…it’s all worth it…BAMBOO was great!!! As always.
Had so many singing engagements this week…had to sing for this public speaking contest yesterday morning…intermission number, that is. And wasn’t prepared at all…I was even late coz I woke up…yeah, late…was so exhausted coz of the rehearsal (I’d usually get home at 12…and my Dad would berate me when I’d get home…on the phone, that is…hehehe)…but it all turned out well.
I had so much fun…I’m happy…I met really wonderful people…it’s really cool…I’d do it al over again.
So it’s now back to reality: Work on the thesis. 
We’re almost there…
BAMBOOO!!!
God, I’m really excited for the upcoming FEU concert! Bamboo will be performing…and what’s more exciting is…I’m performing with them! Yahoo! Bwahahaha! I know it’s sorta cocky to say this stuff but…hey it’s BAMBOO!!! I mean, they’re one of the biggest, greatest acts in the rock scene! And I’m really honored to be part of their show! I’ve always been a big fan of Bamboo since his Rivermaya days…so there! I’m SOOOO excited!
So if you got nothing to do on January 27, please watch the FEU concert…FEU grandstand! I know this might be so shallow, but you know what? I’ve always dreamed of performing at the grandstand. When I first set foot in FEU, it’s the first thing that captured my eyes…I was like, "Wow, wouldn’t it be great to perform there?" It’s indeed great. And what can make it even better than sharing the stage with Bamboo? It’s any musician’s dream to play with a a great band like them…so there!
I’m really busy this week…I’ve also got a singing competition tomorrow…and guess what? I don’t even know what to sing yet! Hehehe…oh well, let’s just see what happens. SIGH. I gotta go to the rehearsal…it’s really tiring but it’s all worth it.
And yeah, I’m not done with my thesis yet…grrr…
Later…
The Letter You Promised Her…
I just talked to Marionne X a while ago. I asked her how she’s coping up with her situation. "Well, generally, I’m doing great. But of course I’m still carrying the pain and anger… I can’t seem to get rid of it," she said. "Why is that? It’s been a long time now…" I asked. "Well, time is a great healer, they say, Nessie. But I think that doesn’t apply to all cases. That asshole caused me so much pain…more than I could bear…and I definitely don’t deserve that from him…I did him no wrong…I didn’t cheat on him, I didn’t fuck around like he did…all I did was give him what he pretentiously desperately wanted from me…love him." As she spoke those words, I could almost feel her pain myself. It’s so deep…it’s ingrained in her so deeply…the look in her eyes was enough to tell me that she’s still hurting.
"I think the pain is aggravated b the fact that he never said sorry for what he’s done," she said. "I never thought he’s that evil…diabolical…sinister." I couldn’t say anything…I just held her hand and caressed it gently.
"And you know what? There was one thing I asked him to give me after we met up on his birthday," she said, her face suddenly lightened up.
"What is it?"
"You know what? I never asked him to give me anything material…never asked him to give me flowers, boxes of chocolate or those shit…"
I interrupted her for a while and said, "Well, he’s stupid! I think you don’t have to ask him to give them to you…he should’ve willingly given them to you without being told, right? I mean, what kind of guy is he? He must be ver moronic that nothing can fix his brain!" I was really fuming.
"I don’t care about those stuff, you know? I asked him to give me a very simple thing…a letter…" she said, looking lachrymose again.
"You know me, Nessie. I appreciate those kind of things. If he were to make me choose between a diamond ring that costs millions of dollars and a letter with his sincere thoughts in it, I’d defintely go for the latter. I’m not being a hypocrite. I appreciate those kind of stuff, really."
"Just like what he gave me on my birthday…he gave me an electronic dictionary…there wasn’t even a card or a bouquet of flowers…I mean I would’ve prefer to receive a stuffed toy from him with a simple card than that crap he gave me! EEW!" she said with disgust. "He didn’t even think about it. He just picked up whatever he could get his hands on and gave it to me. I would be happier if he just wrote a 10-page letter or a poem or something…he never treated me like he should…yes, maybe, just maybe…he did love me…but it’s not what I deserved from him especially that I loved him more than he’s worth…I chose to love him and gave up my natural right to self-preservation!"
I just listened to her. I know that she still needs to purge all the "toxins" that asshole gave her.
"I really expected him to at least give me that very simple request…that letter…but he never did give it to me…and he never said sorry."
"Don’t worry, I’ll write a novel for you," I jokingly said to cheer her up. She smiled.
"So how’s your love life?" I asked her.
"Well, I don’t mean to brag, Nessie, but there are lots of guys trying to get my attention…they’re asking me out. Hehehe…"
"Wow! See? You deserve better, girl!" I told her.
"There are…1…2…3 (she counted with her fingers)…there are at least 7 of them who’re seriously courting me! Bwahahaha!"
"So what’s your plan?" I asked, somehow happy for her.
"Well, I really don’t know. I’m gonna think about them…I’m not gonna jump before I leap, you know what I mean? You know how guys are…at first, they pretend and show you that they’re obsessed with you…then when they finally fool you, they shatter you into pieces. I’ll just let them do their thing…but I’m not opening up my heart to anyone yet…"
"Good girl! Now you’re learning!" I said and gave her a pat on the back.
"But…I still feel the pain…the anger…the resentment…I don’t know how to fix it. I guess that asshole can."
"Just let God fix it for you, Marionne," I told her. She sighed. "Let’s see what happens…"
***
I grabbed this from my friend’s (Jeanne) blog. I just love what she said about her jerk…hahaha! Wish Marionne could scream the same to that asshole!
"third: to all my exe’s… you never appreciated me.. i wonder why… especially to you… Bee… screw your muthafucka ass… you wasted my time… and you fuckin pin that stinkin rose on me… screw you man… i cant believe i wasted three years of my life with you!!! hate maybe a strong word but… i hate you… i fuckin settled for someone who isnt my worth.. and thats how you treat me?!?! my balls are bigger than yours!!! COJONEZ GRANDE man!!! enough…"
That must be so liberating!
PS Sorry Jeanne if I stole one of your intellectual property.
C’est La Vie…
It’s been more than a week now since I last dropped by. The reason? I’m busy as hell these days…the usual thing: thesis, studies…and the FEU foundation week is coming up…got lots of things to do. SIGH…
Thesis…my Good Lord. It’s debilitating…straining me physically and mentally. Conducting the survey is so hard…especially in the barangay which we chose to be the locale of our study. It’s an affluent subdivision…it’s so hard to get people answer the questionnaires (take note: our questionnaire is 7-page long…hehehe…and we need 330 peeps…so far we’ve gathered 128 answered questionnaires)…usually, the maids would be th ones entertaining us…then they’d go like, "Oh, I’m sorry, my boss isn’t around. He’s in the office." Sometimes, we’d ask them to give the questionnaires to whoever owns the house…when we’d go back for them, they’d return the questionnaires unaswered…blank! It’s so frustrating…dismal. SIGH. But there are some good people too there. We met a thesis prof from UP…he gave us some suggestions and told us some of the community’s well-guarded secrets…kidding. There were some who were really helping us and stuff. Well, at least there are still good people existing.
Aside from those stuffs that bar us from completing our survey, the baragany chair gave us an ultimatum…that we got til Saturday (Jan 21) to finish everthing…beyond that, he won’t allow us to get in his turf. SHEESH…the number of answered questionnaires we’ve gathred so far is a farcry from our target number of respondents…we onl got 128 so far as I’ve mentioned earlier…we’ve been doing the survey for 5 days already…huhuhu we haven’t started the analysis and interpretation of data…we haven’t polished our RRL…and the submission of the final paper is on th 6th of Feb. We only got less than two weeks to work our asses off! Huhuhu I just hope everthing goes smoothly…I still have other things to worry about…life, why do you have to be like this?
Signs and more signs…
It’s been more than a month now and I’m still freaked out by the signs that I see practically everyday. There are times that I surrender myself to them and sigh, "OK, I believe in what you’re trying to tell me." But there are times too that I just want to dismiss them as pure coincidence…or figment of my imagination. Then I’d ask God to give me a sign if I should believe in them. And in just 5 seconds, I’d see the sign I asked for. Coincidence? The answer to that is beyond my ken.
But somehow, I do believe in whatever message they’re carrying. They’re everywhere I look. They’re persistent and ubiquitous. There are days that they appear in places where they shouldn’t be. Sometimes, they just make me go like, "Ohhhhh mmmmyyy Ggggooood!!!" It’s just so weird…creepy, even eerie. Even when I’m home, I see them around me. It’s definitely confusing me…and it’s scaring me.
But again, I don’t want to totally immerse myself in them…like 100% percent believe in them…I don’t want them to guide the direction of my life now. I don’t want to be fooled. I don’t want to have false hope and disappoint myself in the end…
Well, I guess I just have to entrust all this to Allah. He’s the All-Knowing Creator. People tell me that I shouldn’t disregard them because they’re trying to tell me something important. Some even believe that they’re from God and He’s trying to tell me something and warn me through these signs. They tell me God communicates with us through signs and dreams. SIGH. I guess they’re right.
SIGH. The best thing I can do right now is pray…Ameen.
Big thanks to the problems that come my way…(no tinge of sardonicism) :D
Problem, problem, problem. The uninvited guest that just barges in. The infiltrator, the party crasher. It comes at a time when you least expect it. It just shows up when you think everything is gonna be fine. SIGH.
I’ve gone through a lot of shit last year. And I’m sure I’ll go through some more this year. Coz that’s life…problem is an integral part of this journey we call life. Without it…I guess there’ll be no life at all…or life won’t be worth living. OK, I know it sounds crazy but I guess problems really do spice up life. I mean just imagine life with no worries…happy all the time…that’s boring. Certainly, we’d crave for some challenges, something that would make us use our head, something that would put some variety in our lives (at least for me). There would be no life without problems because…life stops the moement they’re gone…I mean we’d already be satisfied and content with everything around us once they’re gone…we wouldn’t be worrying about anything…so life stops. Our existence in this wicked world has no more purpose…our mission is accomplished. So there…problems have to exist for as long as God entrusts us with the life He bestowed upon us.
I know this is a cliche that should’ve been buried a long time ago, but hey, problems exist to make us stronger and better individuals. They also come to make us bend at times and be humble. And certainly, they come to make us closer to God, to strengthen our faith in Him.
SIGH. God is really perfect. Mashaallah.
Just thinking out loud. Au revoir!
Pour tu, Monsieur…
"No"
No, don’t try to apologize
Don’t play the game of persistence
Excuses existed before you did
No, don’t look at me like you did before,
Don’t talk in plural
Rhetoric is your most lethal weapon
I’m going to ask you not to come back ever again
I feel that you still can hurt me here,
Inside
And that at your age you already know well
What it’s like to break someone’s heart like this
No, one can’t live with so much venom
The hope your love gives me
No one else gave me
I swear, I’m not lying
No, one can’t live with so much venom
One shouldn’t devote the soul
To collecting attempts
RAGE WEIGHS MORE THAN CEMENT
I hope you don’t expect me to wait for you,
After turning twenty six
Patience has sunk all the way down to my feet
So here, I pluck daisy petals
And I’m looking without seeing,
To find out if you’ll get irritated and leave
I’m going to ask you not to come back ever again
I feel that you still can hurt me here,
Inside
And that at your age you already know well
What it’s like to break someone’s heart like this
No, one can’t live with so much venom
The hope your love gave me
No one else gave me
I swear, I’m not lying
No, one can’t die with so much venom
One shouldn’t devote the soul
To collecting attempts
RAGE WEIGHS MORE THAN CEMENT
***
This is the English translation of Shakira’s Spanish song "No". I just love the way she expresses her thoughts…very poetic and original. She must’ve been shattered by an asshole when she wrote this. It shows a lot of anger and pain. I love these lines:
"Rage weighs more than cement";
"Excuses existed before you did";
"Don’t talk in plural
Rhetoric is your most lethal weapon"; and
"And that at your age you already know well
What it’s like to break someone’s heart like this"
Genius…her IQ is 140…wow. She’s beautiful, smart and very talented. Good package, huh?
Here’s the lyrics in Espanol:
No, no intentes disculparte
No juegues a insistir
Las excusas ya existían antes de ti
No, no me mires como antes
No hables en plural
La retórica es tu arma más letal
Voy a pedirte que no vuelvas más
Siento que me dueles todavía aquí,
Adentro
Y que a tu edad sepas bien lo que es
Romperle el corazón a alguien así
No se puede vivir con tanto veneno,
La esperanza que me da tu amor
No me la dió más nadie,
Te juro, no miento
No se puede vivir con tanto veneno
No se puede dedicar el alma
A acumular intentos
Pesa más la rabia que el cemento
Espero que no esperes que te espere,
Después de mis 26
La paciencia se me ha ido hasta los pies
Y voy deshojando margaritas
Y mirando sin mirar,
Para ver si así te irritas y te vas
Voy a pedirte que no vuelvas más
Siento que me dueles todavía aquí,
Adentro
Y que a tu edad sepas bien lo que es
Romperle el corazón a alguien así
No se puede vivir con tanto veneno
La esperanza que me dió tu amor
No me la dió más nadie
Ya juro, no miento
No se puede morir con tanto veneno
No se puede dedicar el alma
A acumular intentos
Pesa más la rabia que el cemento
No, no intentes disculparte
No juegues a insistir
Las excusas ya existían antes de ti
No, no me mires como antes
No hables en plural
La retórica es tu arma más letal
Voy a pedirte que no vuelvas más
Siento que me dueles todavía aquí,
Adentro
Y que a tu edad sepas bien lo que es
Romperle el corazón a alguien así
No se puede vivir con tanto veneno,
La esperanza que me da tu amor
No me la dió más nadie,
Te juro, no miento
No se puede vivir con tanto veneno
No se puede dedicar el alma
A acumular intentos
Pesa más la rabia que el cemento
Espero que no esperes que te espere,
Después de mis 26
La paciencia se me ha ido hasta los pies
Y voy deshojando margaritas
Y mirando sin mirar,
Para ver si así te irritas y te vas
Voy a pedirte que no vuelvas más
Siento que me dueles todavía aquí,
Adentro
Y que a tu edad sepas bien lo que es
Romperle el corazón a alguien así
No se puede vivir con tanto veneno
La esperanza que me dió tu amor
No me la dió más nadie
Ya juro, no miento
No se puede morir con tanto veneno
No se puede dedicar el alma
A acumular intentos
Pesa más la rabia que el cemento
