I’m a MURDERER.
The past few days have been so depressing. And it’s me who’s causing myself to feel that way.
What’s breaking my heart now is this…
Last Friday on my way to the España gate to go home, I encountered a just-days-old kitten, meowing loudly, as if it was crying for help. It caught my attention so I bent down to caress it. It crawled towards my feet to find warmth. Thus, I picked it up and held it close to me. And then I remembered the dream I had days ago…
I dreamt that I found an abandoned baby girl in the elevator of the UST library. I asked the janitress who left her there and she said, "She (the baby) was already there when I got here this morning." I picked the baby up and brought her with me home. When I arrived, my Mom was shocked to see me carrying with me a baby. "Throw her away! If her own parents couldn’t care for her, why the hell would you?!" "Mom, she’s still a human being. Let’s keep her until we find the DSWD office here in Taguig." And then I woke up. I don’t know why but I had a weird feeling that I could not explain after having that dream.
Back to reality.
I sat on one of the benches at the park and still held the tiny, helpless thing. I texted my sister and my brother, asking them about what I should do with it. I waited for 15 minutes for their reply but nothing came. I waited still but then the wind started to blow very harshly. And then it rained very hard…
I had no choice but to take the kitten with me. I ran to the gate, covering it with the scarf-like handle of my bag. We found shelter under a "waiting shade". I really prayed for the rain to stop so we could go home safely.
The rain died down a bit so I grabbed the opportunity to get a ride. We took an FX as no cab would take us as far as Taguig.
The travelling part was the hardest because it kept meowing and climbing up to me. I didn’t want to freak out the other passengers so I placed it on my lap instead and rubbed its frail, little body.
We took another ride, this time a jeepney. It was the only way we could get home. I kept it in my bag to keep it away from the view of everyone. It still kept meowing so I put my hand inside my bag and rubbed its body softly. It stopped crying and fell asleep.
As soon as I got home, I placed it inside a shoe box. I called my sister who was in her room to take a look at it. She was so joyful to see it (by the way, she’s an animal lover like me. But she loves them way more than I do. She pampers them a lot. So our pets at home are really, really lucky). We placed old towels to cover its fragile body and protect it from the coldness of that rainy night. "Maybe this is the dream you had, about finding a baby in the library elevator," my sister said. "Yeah, I know. It was so weird because when I found it, it was the first thing that popped into my head–the dream."
Our problem was how to feed it. So I searched the internet on how to feed days-old kittens. I found some helpful information. It said that we could use evaporated milk and mix egg in it, and use a dropper or syringe to feed it.
The following day (Saturday), I told my sisters to buy the dropper or syringe themselves because I knew I was going to come home late. I suggested that if they couldn’t find a dropper or syringe being sold as an individual item, they could just buy one of those kiddie vitamins which come with a dropper. But one of them suggested that I buy the syringe or dropper myself. I reluctantly agreed…
And like I already knew, I came home late.
My sister told me that it hadn’t had anything because it refused to suckle on the cloth which they dipped in milk. I tried to feed it before going to sleep but it would always hide its head away from me. "Be strong, OK? Tomorrow morning, I’ll get that dropper so I can feed you, OK?"
I slept beside it. I slept on the floor so I could easily check it every now and then. I woke up at around 3 AM and it was still moving…
And then I woke up again at 6 AM. I looked inside the box…and there it was, lying immobile. I tried to move it. It didn’t respond. That’s when I realized that it was already lifeless…
Its death didn’t sink in to me until TODAY…
I couldn’t forgive myself…it’s my fault that it died. I KNEW that I was going to get home late but I still agreed to buy the syringe or dropper to feed it. I was grossly negligent! No, I’m not just negligent, I’m even in BAD FAITH for I knew that I would get home late at night!!!
It was fate that made me find it–I mean, of all the people that passed by, why was I the only one who paid attention? Maybe, God even wanted me to save it that’s why He called my attention to the helpless little thing…but what have I done instead?!
The reason why I took it from school, the reason why I rescued it and brought it home is precisely because I didn’t want it to die! And now it died in my hands…I can never forgive myself. How could I be so heartless and negligent?!!
We were even planning to call it "Tiger" because aside from the fact that I found it in UST, the home of the Growling Tigers, it was so brave, it fought to stay alive for two days without food! It survived the long journey that we took from UST to Taguig! That’s too far, that’s a 2-hour travel and yet it survived! It did its part to stay alive…and how could I not have done something to let it live?
I want myself to believe that it was fate, that it would die anyway, that it wasn’t a preventable death. But under the circumstances, I cannot convince myself to believe in those. I am the proximate cause of that innocent, fragile, helpless kitten’s death…
I can never forgive myself for what I’ve done…
Typhoon Egay made me do THE unthinkable. Uh-oh.
For a lot of people right now, typhoon Egay is nothing but a nuisance that should be summarily abated. Some are irritated by the fact that they can’t go out without having to swim in black water with candy wrappers, empty cigarette packs, dead rats and roaches floating around. Some are irked because they can’t go out and shop. Some are cursing Egay for causing their roofs to leak. And some others are pissed off because they’re bored to death, staying at home.
But for law students, oh boy are we grateful!!! I mean come on, a six-day vacation (suspension of classes)? That’s a rarity that we always pray for but unfortunately gets rarely granted…especially when we haven’t studied for recitation for the subjects for a particular day and we have that very strong inkling that we’d get called! And it’s even better for us, UST law students, because the typhoon just came in the middle of exam week! Haha!
I have one pending exam (land titles and deeds) that I was supposed to take last August 9. And then it was moved to August 15. And now it’s set for August 21! Haha! As a friend of mine put it, "it’s either we’re lucky or that the professor is jinxed!"
I’ve been reading for that subject two weeks ago and I got tired of reading the same thing over and over again. So to break the monotony, ask me what I did?
I CLEANED MY ROOM! YES, I DID IT MYSELF! HAHA! COME ON EVERYONE, PRETEND TO BE SCANDALIZED!
Well, actually it really is surprising that I did. I don’t usually do household chores. Na-uh, totally not me. I’m allergic to them and I get asthma attacks whenever I hold a vacuum cleaner (though at times, I’m not really sure if it’s real or if I’m just imagining it)! But today, I took a deep breath, rolled my sleeves up, walked to the storage room where the vacuum cleaner is and said, "Baby, we got some heavy work to do!"
And so I started vacuuming my room; I arranged some perfume bottles and jewelry stuff on my dresser; I folded my clothes neatly; I changed the bed sheets; I dusted the furniture; and I arranged my books.
And I gotta tell you that it’s kinda addictive because right after I was done with my room, I went to the laundry room and washed my clothes and uniform myself! I actually enjoyed it, really. It felt different. And when the day was done, I felt so much accomplished…not only because I was able to tidy up my room but I accomplished something that was really out of my league. It’s somewhat analogous to seeing Will Ferrell play a very serious, dramatic role and actually be very effective at it that at the end of the film, you’d totally forget that Will Ferrell was part of the Saturday Night Live. Yeah, something like that (forgive me for my very poor analogies).
I don’t know what made me do it. Well, I tried to have a recollection of what I ate for breakfast and lunch and there wasn’t anything out of the ordinary that I might have eaten to put me suddenly in the mood for cleaning. I thought of reading a good book but then I thought, you’ve always done that. Do something different. And there I was with a duster in one hand and the vacuum cleaner in the other.
I also realized, while folding my clothes, that I somehow got to let myself get used to doing household chores because…what if one day I wake up and there’s no one to do it for me? I don’t want to live amidst chaos and clutter! I don’t want to live in a house with rats, cockroaches, ants, insects and all sorts of pests crawling freely like how the first American settlers found freedom and LIFE in New England without persecution! It’s a good start, I must say.
So thanks to typhoon Egay, I not only got a break from the sweet torture of law school but I got to achieve something that I’ve haven’t done…in a long, long time!
And oh, by the way, the farmers up north as well as the people working at the National Water Resources Board are so grateful to typhoon Egay too. So don’t hate me for showing gratitude to it. I’m not alone.
What’s “happy” in a birthday?
Today is my birthday (so yeah, what’s the big deal?) and I just received the best birthday present ever!
ONE, classes are suspended and that means we don’t have an exam in LTD (Land, Titles and Deeds)! Yehey! I must be really special for the Department of Education suspended the classes on my birthday! Hehe.
TWO, I received a picture of someone I will always admire and drool over from a friend! Haha! And to me, it’s the BETTER between the two. Haha. I’m a psycho. 
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God really works in wonderful ways. I woke up 7 am today and was about to take a shower when I found the shower room full of dead and semi-alive cockroaches! There were about…more than ten of them on the floor! Some of them were still wriggling and moving their icky antennae and legs! EEEW! I don’t know what happened to them…they must have eaten something poisonous because I can’t find any other logical explanation for the mass death! And I don’t pity them. Ugh.
So I waited for my borhter to wake up so he could kill those which were still alive. He woke up at 10. And minutes later, I received a message confirming that there would be no classes!
Allah really knows best and He works for what’s best for us. That’s why even when things go crazy, shitty and all, I still trust and have faith in Him. Praise Allah.
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I find it really ironic that we feel happy when it’s our birthday or that people greet us "happy birthday".
I’m not being morbid or anything but aren’t we supposed to feel at least a bit sad because birthdays signal that we’re growing old and heading nearer to THE inevitable–death, that is?
To me, birthdays signal that our lifeline (like those in PS games) is slowly changing color– from GREEN to RED. And you know what that means.
But we all seem oblivious to that underlying implication of birthdays. Are we, or we just truly happy despite knowing that we’re heading to that one fact of life that we all dread?
Maybe the reason we feel "happy" is that people remember us on that particualr day and that makes us feel special. Or maybe because we find joy in celebrating life. Or perhaps we feel grateful that God has given us another year to live.
We may have our own reasons to be happy on our birthday. For me, I am just thankful to ALLAH for giving me another chance to live–LIVE in the fullest meaning of the word and not just exist. I thank Him for giving me another opportunity to make others happy (or even annoy them! Haha!), to hopefully make a change in this world more particularly in our country (no, I’m not thinking of venturing into the world of crocodiles and pigs!), to change things in me that I spur, and to correct mistakes that I might have committed due to my poor judgment.
Happy birthday to me and to all August birthday celebrants.
Commixtio of things
I just finished my prelim exam in Property and boy was it…mind-boggling! I wouldn’t say I got everything right but let us just say I didn’t leave the room almost in tears. Fair enough?
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It’s raining quite hard tonight. And like the other night, I came home wet and cold. 
But I love it when it rains. I don’t know. It makes me…happy.
And it induces me to sleep! It’s so nice to sleep when it’s raining. The chilly wind and the sound of the rain falling on the tin roof, they’re so much better and more effective than any sleeping pill!
There was something funny that happened to me on my way home. The heel of one of my shoes got stuck in a very small whole in the pedestrian lane where I was walking. I tried to pull it out, with my feet still inside it but such attempt was to no avail. I might have looked so helpless that some college guys standing at the sides came to my aid!!! They asked me to take it off and they pulled it themselves. The first attempt failed. And so they forced it out and lo! It was pulled out. I smiled and thanked them for their kindness…but the smile stayed on my face for only 2.2 miniseconds.
THE HEEL WAS NO LONGER ATTACHED TO THE SOLE OF MY SHOE!
I looked at the hole and there it was, smiling at me as if to say, "Hay, thank God. I won’t be carrying your weight anymore!"
One of the guys tried to extract it but it held on so tight. He tried to pull it with all his energy to no avail. "It’s OK," I said. "Leave it alone."
I certainly didn’t want to be mistaken for someone with a physical disability, walking in a lame fashion…so I was left with no option but to also severe the heel of the other shoe.
Life is indeed full of surprises–funny suprises!
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Seven hours before the exam, Lynette and I had coffee in one of the coffee shops in school. I was so sleepy so I sought the aid of my deux ex machina in law school–coffee!
I ordered espresso. There are two choices for this item: single or double shot. What the hell does that mean? I thought. Nevertheless, I still asked for it. When the waiter asked me if I wanted single or double shot, I said without thinking "Double shot, please." He looked at me in a scrutinizing manner, as if to see that I was sure about my order. "Ma’am, it’s pure black coffee." "Just what I need," I said, smiling. He gave me one last look as if to say "OK. You order this at your own risk."
After placing our order, Lynette and I went to our table and discussed certain things about Property. "What’s the difference between unfair competition and infringement (in trademark)?" she asked. "In infringement, there is a colorable imitation of the trademark of an enterprise by the competing enterprise; in unfair competion, the competing enterprise passes off its products as the products of another. In other words, the imitation results to identity. An example is a fake LV bag," I said. "What’s an example of infringement?" Lynette asked. I looked around and saw the logo of the coffee shop where we were. "Look at that. That’s an example. It looks like the trademark of Starbucks Coffee." We laughed at the thought of filing a lawsuit against the coffee shop. Haha.
Finally, my order came. I was excited to see what this "double shot espresso" was all about. When the waiter placed it in front of me, I almost wanted to throw it back at him!
It came in a very small glass–well, if you’ve seen the qah’wa (Arabic tea) cup that Arabs use, it’s that small. And it contained a very, very black coffee. I mixed the sugar in it and took a sip. I wanted to spit it out for it was horribly bitter! "Who in their right mind would want to drink this for pleasure?!" I asked Lynette. "Are you in your right mind?" she quipped. We laughed.
I didn’t want to waste the money I used to purchase it because my parents worked hard for it so I had to be creative and make it drinkable. I took 4 packets of creamer and mixed it in. It was so dark that after the mixture, the color didn’t lighten up even a bit. I tasted it–ugh, it was still as bitter. So I took some ice from Lynnete’s iced latte and placed it therein until it melted. And that’s the only time I was able to drink it though not in one shot but in small sips, which lasted for 2 agonizing hours. Yeah, that’s how bitter it was.
I wish I could use the provisions of the law on sales to that situation so I could return it and get back my money.
Well, under the law on sales (and obligations and contracts), there was no perfected contract of sale as there was no meeting of the minds between me, as the vendee, and the coffee shop, as the vendor as to the OBJECT. I didn’t know what I was buying as there was no picture showing the item. Thus, there was no consent on my part.
Therefore, under legal circumstances, I can ask for the rescission of the contract of sale. After it’s rescinded, there shall be mutual restitution of the things received. Thus, I can get my money back and the coffee shop its espresso which only people not in their right minds would buy.
However, the coffee shop might argue that because of my own conduct, i.e., drinking the coffee, I am estopped from seeking for the rescission of the contract.
Oh well, I think I’m getting too legalistic here. Bear with me, it’s the effect to reading law books almost 24/7. Haha.
Wish me luck for my coming exams!
Chief Justice Cali? NGEK! Doesn’t sound right. :D
"I am wounded, perhaps burnt by embolistic expectations from my family, friends, and other relationships. Perhaps I am tired of trying to be the best. But when I come to think that I want to be a lawyer…it eliminates my frustrations."– Associate Justice George Arthur Malcolm of the Supreme Court of the Philippines.
You can say that again, Mr. Justice Malcolm. I feel exactly the same way these days. There have been many days that the pressure from my family, friends and even from people I don’t really know (not to discount the pressure I impose upon myself) swallowed me and thought I could never get back. There have been days I felt burned out. There have been days that I felt very much disappointed and frustrated with myself because I couldn’t meet the expectations and standards I have set for myself. There have been days that I just thought of settling for less, i.e., mediocrity.
But no. That is certainly not me. As one friend told me, I could never forgive myself if I do that–settling for mediocrity. Whether I like it or not, I have to exude excellence and brilliance in my studies not just because other people expect me to do so but because that is who I really am.
Yes, there are times that I fail to be the best. And yes, it’s utterly frustrating. However, as Justice Malcolm said, when I think of the fact that I WANT TO BECOME A LAWYER, the darkness engulfing me is whisked away by the bright illumination emanating from that DREAM, from that PASSION, from that DETERMINATION.
It’s what keeps me going on. It’s what keeps me sacrificing and turning certain natural rights to mere privileges (like sleeping! Haha!). It’s what keeps me strong and invincible not only against obstacles but against certain people who try to pull me down.
Yes, I want to become a lawyer. Call me "unreasonably ambitious" but I want to see myself, one day, as Chief Justice of the Supreme Court! Haha! Just kidding. Yeah, that’s definitely an unreasonable ambition!
Which reminds me…I have to go back to studying for the exams next week! Wish me luck! Til my next post.
