Wishful thinking.
I don’t want to jinx things but sometimes I can’t help but think about what could happen to me after I become a lawyer.
I’m really not sure about what I want to do after that…I’m not sure if I’m going to be a trial lawyer…if I’m going to venture into private practice…or if I’m going to be a government lawyer…or if I’m just going to follow the footsteps of Justice Vicente of the Court of Appeals (she never became a trial lawyer. She just wrote legal works. She said she loves writing; she’s not so into public speaking. But she became a justice of the second highest court in the country! Wow! Inspiring!). I really don’t know. I’m not sure about becoming a trial lawyer cause sometimes my head goes blank when in front of a big crowd. Well, that was back in college…in my debate class and debate practice sessions. Maybe I have changed. Let’s see.
But there are some things I’m sure I want to do. I want to be in the foreign service. I want to work at the DFA. Or the UN. Or something like that. I’ve always been interested in other cultures (perhaps because I grew up abroad and got the chance to mingle with people of different nationalities, religion, cultures) and travelling. Yeah, so that’s one thing that I might do…I want to be a diplomat. 
In connection with that, I want to learn French. I did a self-study of the language by downloading some teach-yourself-French program from the internet before…but it didn’t really work. French is quite similar to Arabic. The nouns have gender so you have to memorize which nouns are female and which are male. I know it’s weird (like for example, in Arabic the moon is female; the sun is male). And the conjugation of the verbs in French is quite confusing too. There’s no definite pattern (well, that’s what my "self-study" showed me at least) unlike in the English language where, as a general rule, you just add "d" or "ed" to make the verb in the past tense form.
What else would I want? Oh, of course…I’d like to become the first Filipina to sit on chair of the Chief Justice! Haha! That’s unless someone gets to do that ahead of me! Haha! DREAM ON!
Well, those are still years away from me. For now I guess I should be concerned about passing all my subjects, passing the bar hopefully with some distinction! Hehe. Inshaallah. May Allah grant me these things I pray for. Ameen. 
Sem-ender evaluation.
Every end of the semester, I do an evaluation, assessment of how I performed for that semester. I write down certain things that I learned. I write down my failures and what could have possibly caused them (certainly, I play a huge role in the "cause" part). I also write some achievements and try to write things that would help me maintain them–or even be better. So here are the things that I should pay close attention to this coming semester:
1.) STAY FOCUSED. DON’T BE DISTRACTED.
I think I lost my focus this semester, especially during the first few months. I was doing some things which my friends constantly reminded me were "TRIVIAL" and shouldn’t give a damn about them. I spent most of my free time preoccupied with some other things, getting EMO and stuff. ARGH.
So what should I do now? I’ll try my best to stay away from those things.
2.) STAY AT THE LIBRARY DURING SATURDAYS.
There never was a Saturday this sem in which I was able to study for the classes the next week. I’d go home straight after class. And what would happen? I’d fall asleep. Zzzzzz until the next day. And during Sundays, I’d be distracted by some things at home–my siblings talking to me, TV, computer…ARGH! I know I shouldn’t blame my missteps, misfortunes and other misses on other people. I should take full responsibility. I should therefore impose stricter self-discipline on myself.
3.) GO TO THE LIBRARY EARLY.
I wasn’t able to stay at the library like I used to especially during the finals. It’s either I get there late (12 PM) or I go to school 30 minutes before class and just studied at home. It’s OK that I study home but there were many times I’d fall asleep! My comfy bed is just a few steps away…so when I’m reading, it would call out my name, saying "Come here, my child. You need to sleep…just a few minutes." Yeah so I heed the call, I promise myself I’d just close my eyes for 30 minutes…and then when I wake up 3 hours had already lapsed. GRRR. Bad, bad, bad. So I need to get up early and make sure I’m at the library at 8 AM. I live worlds away from school.
4.) STRICTLY NO FRIENDSTER DURING SCHOOL DAYS.
I wasn’t able to implement this rule this semester. Haha. No, it’s not like I go online just for the sake of checking my account. Well, this is what happens. I go online when I get home to check new cases at the Supreme Court website. Sometimes…OK, most of the time I couldn’t stop myself from checking my account here. So there. ARGH.
5.) AVOID ABSENTING YOURSELF IN ANY CLASS.
Oh yes, I incurred a lot during the first weeks of school. I don’t know what happened to me (and my friends). I think I was just overwhelmed with the so may subjects we had (7…and we have 19 units this second semester! Good luck!) and the fact that I was still trying to get over a not-so-good-something from the past. It has something to do with school, not some relationship matter, OK?
Yeah, my friends and I would absent ourselves whenever we’re not ready for recitation! Haha! Bad habit! I know we’re just trying to save ourselves from humiliation (oh yes, I had my own dose of that! Hehe!) but it’s not good…because it’s like we’re like finding a way for ourselves to escape responsibility. It’s really hard to study in law school…you have a lot to read in so little time. But then we chose to be here so we might as well face the responsibilities that come with it. Like what I told a former neophyte member of the Law Review, chiding him for being irresponsible, "nobody forced you to be here. You voluntarily joined this organization and therefore you are aware of the duties and responsibilities that come with being a member." Eat what you preach…errr…practice what you preach rather. Sorry.
A perusal of the abovementioned "flaws" this semester would show that I need some self-discipline reinforcement. I need to be more responsible this time. And I need to cut off from my life those people who unnecessarily distract me.
I hope and pray that I’ll really be able to correct my mistakes in the past. I’d be no different from animals if I don’t learn from them. Inshallah with Allah’s Guidance, I’ll be able to breeze through this new chapter in my law school life.
Love that cannot be quelled.
I so love my hubby-to-be! Sorry guys! I just can’t keep it to myself! I have to share it to the world! Haha!
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God, I LOVE WORDS! I get into this psychedelic state of ecstasy whenever I learn a new vocabulary and actually get to use it in my "literary works" or in my daily conversation with people! Like the other day, I told my egotistic friend, "Stop using NOSISM as a way to earn my respect!" I left her scratching her head.
My current life’s theme song
Sometimes I think I’m working (or studying) too hard and that I need a break. And sometimes I think that I’m slacking off too much and that I need to work my arse off…harder. Things get complicated when the result of my "hardwork" is WAY LESS THAN what I expected it to be. What does that reflect? That I’m taking things too lightly, that I haven’t worked enough? Or is it a manifestation of being burned out from too much working and not giving myself time to see LIFE outside the four corners of law school (or the school library, if you want to be more specific)? It’s really frustrating when you see the product of your supposed "hardwork" when you know that you deprived yourself of sleep for TWO days, reading provisions in the Civil Code which are practically NOT APPLICABLE in real life (like the provision in Property regarding rights of a tree owner when his trees have been uprooted by some natural events and have landed in someone else’s land…TREES? What trees? I mean, come on! They’re on the verge of extinction that’s why Al Gore and Leonardo Di Caprio had to make envirnoment-oriented documentaries, DUH! Oh by the way, I think some updating need to be done in the Civil Code. It’s funny that it’s still referred to as THE NEW Civil Code when it took effect in 1950! Come on Congress and Senate alligators! That’s the real job you were elected to do, not to do some investigations or "legislative inquiries" in aid of legislation about some old COMELEC guy being involved in an alleged anomalous contract and his extra-marital affairs! Come on, whatever you call it, it’s not what you’re supposed to be doing! Well, unless you guys are using it as an avenue to train for your next career move: hosts of a showbiz gossip show!).
Yes, it’s very vexing and exasperating when things don’t go the way you want them to…especially when you know that you coupled your plans with real actions. UGH. Well, I guess that’s what matters. That I know that I did my best and I didn’t just sit down and wished that good things would come to me. Oh well. I guess it’s not bad to take a little break sometimes, right?
"Slow Me Down"
Emmy Rossum
Slow Me Down Lyrics">Slow Me Down
rushing and racing and running in circles
moving so fast I’m forgetting my purpose
blur of the traffic is sending me spinning
getting nowhere
my head and my heart are colliding chaotic
pace of the world I just wish I could stop it
Try to appear like I’ve got it together
I’m falling apart
save me
somebody take my hand and lead me
slow me down
don’t let love pass me by
just show me how
cause I’m ready to fall
slow me down
don’t let me live a lie
before my life flies by
I need you to slow me down
sometimes I fear that I might disappear
in the blur of fast forward I falter again
forgetting to breathe
I need to sleep
I’m getting nowhere
all that I’ve missed I see in the reflection
pass me while I wasn’t paying attention
tired of rushing, racing and running
I’m falling apart
tell me
oh won’t you take my hand and lead me
slow me down
don’t let love pass me by
just show me how
cause I’m ready to fall
slow me down
don’t let me live a lie
before my life flies by
i need you to slow me down
just show me
i need you to slow me down
slow me down
slow me down
the noise of the world is getting me caught up
chasing the clock and i wish i could stop it
just need to breathe
somebody please
slow me down
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But this definitely doesn’t mean that I’m not happy and satisfied with my life. I am, I really am and I’m so grateful to Allah for giving me the kind of life that I now live. I am not ranting and raving here, NO. I’m thankful that He made me a nerd, a geek rather than some girl with great bod, to-die-for racks, Angelina-Jolie face but sans the brain. Oh no, I can’t imagine my life without my BRAIN…well, of course everybody has a brain but you know what I mean. I wouldn’t trade what my brain is capable of doing for anything else. I love what it allows me to do. I love being in law school and I really want to become a lawyer. So I’m not complaining about that…it’s just that sometimes I get exhausted. I guess all I need is to recharge every time and then I’m good to go again. So yeah. OK, I’ll stop now. I’m not making any sense anymore. My brain seems to be having some technical malfunction.
Erap pardoned…PARDON ME?!
Philippine politics never ceases to amaze me. Just last Thursday, its brilliant characters have staged yet another spectacular show–an extravagant, stunning circus–to entertain and make the poverty-stricken people temporarily forget about worrying for the following day’s meal.
I am not anti-Erap or anything. I’m not for any local politician for they are all alligators disguised as human beings (forgive me for generalizing but can you point to me one, JUST ONE politician who truly served the people, who sought to be placed in public office with the purest desire to work for his country’s holistic betterment and not just for his own clan?). But I believe that the executive clemency extended to him by the President is STUPIDITY AT ITS BEST! Yes, I dare say that! (Here’s to freedom of speech!)
The government claims that the staged 6-year trial and the resulting conviction thereafter is to show the people and to teach a moral to morally-corrupt government people that public officials, even the prominent ones, can be held accountable for the wrongdoings they commit against the very entity they are supposed to serve. With the pardon given to Erap by the Glorious Gloria, this claim does not find any support in logic (and do government people have that?).
If their purpose for meting him out the guilty verdict is to restore faith in our justice system and to warn public officers that they are not immune from being held liable for their hanky-pankies while in office, then they should have MADE HIM SERVE HIS SENTENCE! For what is the use of going through trial and pronouncing him guilty beyond reasonable doubt if two months later, his hands, defiled and sullied by thievery, would be washed and the wastewater put in oblivion as if the gravity of the wrong he committed is nothing but triviality? This is utterly, even shockingly preposterous!
And will the pardon not instead set a bad precedent? It will certainly instill in the minds of the already calloused-faced alligators that they can pocket the hard-earned money of the people and commit all sorts of felonies using and abusing their power because, though they can be convicted, they can also be easily pardoned as if nothing happened.
I further believe that the Glorious Gloria’s pardon is tainted with politics and that she is not sincere in conferring it. She did it to save herself from being booted out from power. She did it to make the blinded "maka-Erap masa" have faith in and support her. She did it to please the opposition who constantly annoy her (and who in turn annoy me especially that ambitious, hypocritical crocodile Chiz Escudero). She did it for her own vested self-interest. And a supposed leader who acts pursuant to his or her own interest CANNOT BE TRUSTED to do what he or she was elected to do–to serve the people faithfully.
I am not anti-Erap, as I said at the outset, and neither am I anti-GMA. Like many others who have lost faith and trust in the government but still believe that there is hope for this country to see a brighter tomorrow, I don’t look at personalities. Rather, I look for what these supposed leaders do for the people and for the country. And I do not see that in any of the cast in this great movie called the Philippine Politics. Just look around you and your surrounding will be the best manifestation of the poor leadership of our government.
When will that day come, when our people, our country will walk out free from this dark prison, with poverty and corruption forming as the walls, and bask under the luminosity of that ever evasive holistic development? I wonder…and I think my great grandchildren will also be wondering during their time if things go on like this in our country…
The VERDICT: PART II–and SEEING THE BIG PICTURE
Like I promised, I would update you about the "final judgment" of my grades during the past semester. So here it is.
Thank God I passed all my subjects, including the two subjects in which I had to take special exams. PHEW. Well, that’s based on the final examination grades that I got in all subjects. The final grades haven’t been released yet so we’ll still see. But based on my exam grades, both prelims and finals, I passed all sujects. Alhamdullillah.
I just got home from school…just finished the exhausting process of enrolling (lining up in LOOOONG queues). I’m quite sad over some things…I just learned about a "new development" in school and it quite devastated me. 
I’ll just share it with you guys when the right time comes. It’s a sort of confidential matter as of now.
Yeah, so after I finished paying the school with the money my Dad sweated and bled for, I went to join my friends at the "umbrellaz" (it’s this little park at the center of the main building with metal chairs and huge parasols). I was brooding with them for a while and then told them, "You know what? I just realized that the past two semesters, I learned to be less grade-conscious". Yes, that’s true. I’m not as obsessive about my grades as before. But of course, I’m not going to go to the point of completely becoming slapdash, lackadaisical about them; that I won’t care whether or not I fail a subject (knock on wood!). I’m not going to adopt an attitude, boasting of toasted insouciance about them! What I’m trying to say is that I will do my best, study as much as I can and still strive for academic excellence and distinction…and I will leave the rest to other factors that I have no control over.
And why this change of perspective, you might ask.
Well, I learned to see the BIGGER PICTURE. The whole of it, and not just tidbits or fragments of it. And seeing the bigger picture means PREPARING FOR THE BAR EXAMS. Yes, that’s what’s important to me now. I mean IT IS what’s IMPORTANT after all! It’s the ultimate step that I have to hurdle. The reason why I’m getting sleepless nights, getting too much caffeine in my body, becoming emotionally volatile as a result of prolonged sleep-deprivation and end up fighting with people is because I’m getting myself ready to pass the bar exams and NOT TO PLEASE MY PROFESSORS! Like I was telling my friends a while ago, academic excellence in law school is not a guarantee that one will pass the bar exams. I mean there are some who graduate with academic distinctions, latin honors and all sorts of academic awards but they don’t make it to the bar. Or there are some who achieve so much academically and are expected to place in the top 10 but they don’t meet such expectation. At times, there are students who did averagely in school and yet when they take the bar the first time, they pass…OR they even land in the top 10!!! The conclusion that can be drawn from the foregoing is that academic excellence is NEVER a guarantee that you will be one of the privileged few to sign the Roll of Attorneys. And that means I should really look beyond what’s before me. I should look beyond the present. When I study my subjects, I should always keep in mind the FUTURE, the bar exams that is. Because in the end, passing the same is EVERYTHING, it’s all that matters. The grades I get from my professors are but their own way of evaluating me and a lot of factors can influence that, most of which I have no control of. So I should really just focus on LEARNING things comprehensively FOR THE BAR rather than learning for the sake of getting good grades.
From now on, I’ll be studying for the BAR EXAMS. And Inshaallah, when I do take it, I will make sure that the result of the same will paint a big smile on the faces of those who care about me and are proud of me. Inshaallah. Ameen.
The VERDICT
Or I better call it "Doomsday"! Haha. 6 hours from now, I’ll know the results of my final exams. ARGH. I’m quite scared. I’m confident about how I did but YOU NEVER KNOW. Huhuhu. It’s never good to be complacent.
Yesterday, I was in school for a Law Review meeting (I came in late! ARGH. That’s because I woke up late. The meeting was set at 10 AM; I woke up t 9 AM. GRRR.) and I happened to pass by the Faculty of Civil Law lobby…and I saw a lot of students crying after seeing the results of their grades. Oh my God, I hate this feeling of uncertainty. I mean I believe I made it but I don’t want to be overconfident because the exact opposite might have happened instead…I don’t want to disappoint myself because of my…complacency, expectations and arrogance? UGH.
Anyway, I’ll just update you on the VERDICT later.
Things I’ve picked up along the way in law school
Here are some of the things I learned in my two-year stay in law school:
1.) If you only have two hours to sleep for a final examination the following day, BETTER NOT SLEEP AT ALL!
Yes, otherwise you’d have a terrible, terrible headache instead!
2.) DO NOT OVERANALYZE THE QUESTIONS.
Ugh, I’m so guilty of this. I overanalyze the questions and I end up getting them wrong. I especially do this when the question appears to be too easy and obvious. This can’t be. This is almost a bonus question. The professor won’t think that we are this dumb. There must be something tricky in here. Read between the lines… Yes, that’s exactly what I think when I’m answering exam questions. And most of the time, I get it wrong.
This lesson learned is not only applicable to exam questions but to life in general as well. I tend to overanalyze things in life and, as in my exams, I always get things wrong, screw up and mess things up. I’m now trying to be a little less rational and not to delve so deep into things. It’s not good. It hasn’t done me good.
3.) DON’T GIVE VERY LONG ANSWERS IN EXAMS!
Guilty beyond reasonable doubt again! Gosh, I can’t help it.
There’s one professor of mine who deducted 1 point from me because I used up 3 pages of the test booklet in answering a relatively easy question: Is the contract valid?
She commented: Ms. Cali, I appreciate that you’re trying to give a holistic answer to the question. However, you cannot apply this in the bar exams; the examiners are too old and busy. Answer straight to the point and briefly. Remember, you are not writing a ponencia…as of now!
Yes, I have that scribbled on my booklet. And I actually don’t take it negatvely…I mean, she said I have the potential to be writing a decision, a ponencia one day! Hahaha. Dream on, darling.
I can’t help it. When I read a question, it’s like everything that I’ve read and learned start pouring out almost automatically and unstoppably onto the pages. And before I know it, 3 pages have already been filled up! So what I do in those exams with express instructions "not to exceed one page" is I make my handwrting abnormally small (I say "abnormally small" because my handwriting is normally in large letters).
4.) BE ASSERTIVE! LEARN TO SAY NO! DON’T BE GOODY-TWO-SHOES FOR IT WON’T DO YOU GOOD!
Yes, this is one important lesson that law school taught me. I used to be very scared to speak my mind–scared because I didn’t want to offend or hurt anyone–even when I knew that I had to…especially when I knew that others were wrong or doing something contrary to what was right under normal circumstances.
But that’s not me anymore. I’m not afraid to say what I think is right especially when I know that it’s what’s right. Of course, I still exercise the diligence of a good father (OK, I’m getting legalistic again!) not to hurt anyone in the process. I say it in a nice, acceptable, civilized manner. And if others get hurt, well that’s not my problem. What matters to me is I said what I honestly believe is right.
We can’t live a life, trying to be nice to everybody…I lived that kind of life before, thinking that people would be grateful enough and reciprocate it. To my dismay, most of them abused it. GRRRRR. So it’s time for the inner tiger in me to claw its way out of my…nose? Haha! That would be a weirdly funny, visual indulgence!
5.) REAL FRIENDS MAKE LIFE IN LAW SCHOOL (and elsewhere) EASIER!
Friends–they are important in law school especially when you have to go berserk and cry because you flunked a subject or two; or you screwed up your first recitation (like how I screwed up mine in Sales, absented in Labor Relations, went to the UST Quadricentinnial Park with Lynette, cried under the rain and had chocolate ice cream from Mini Stop…haha!); or you have some family problems (like how Lynette and I made "drama moments", worthy of an Oscar nomination, crying on the big, red couch at the library for no apprent reason at all; or when you’re already outside the bounds of your lucid interval (like how, at one time, I lost my sanity and almost fell in love with the janitor of the library because I thought he looked like Atty. C*******…of course, he doesn’t look like him when I was nudged back to my senses!); or just when you need somebody to study with and be assured that you’re not alone in your sweet suffering.
So to all my friends–Lynette, Erlou, Tere and Cris; the 2B peeps who have become a family to me now; Angel and Pretty (you two keep me sane even if you’re not with me in law school); and to everyone who holds me back whenever I attempt to cross the thin dividing line between brilliance and insanity, THANK YOU!!!
Why I’m loyal to friendster. My Funny Folks. Very random things.
I tried to create a blog site before at blogspot.com. Actually, I think I have but I don’t remember the e-amil address I used and the password. Anyway, I tried again a few months before but my busy schedule (euphemistic way of saying LAZINESS, INDOLENCE) prevented me from realizing the same. So I guess I’ll have to contend myself with this blog. Well, actually…yeah, I’m happy with it because it saves me time (another euphemism for LAZY). I mean, I don’t have to open several other websites. And yeah, that’s the primary reason also why I don’t have other accounts in social-network websites like Multiply or MySpace. I don’t have the time, really (remember the latent meaning of this). And what more can I ask for? I mean most of my elementary, high school, college and law school friends are here so…what’s the need for "connecting" with them through another website? What silliness! Well, unless you’re finding a potential online date or something. EEEKH. That’s scary.
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My parents are the funniest people on earth! Sometimes, when they get mad at me (for some shallow or no reason at all!) I just laugh at them. I especially find my Mom so funny when she’s mad. I like mimcking her. Hehe.
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I think I’m gonna get sick. ACCCCCHHHHOOOO! Sniff sniff. Sorry.
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I LOVE HIM! Oh yes, I love posting this at the end of every blog post! Hehe!
My Prayer…
I pray that things become CRYSTAL CLEAR to me as soon as possible. I pray that God show and guide me to the right interpretation of the signs. As of now, the signs are telling me something…but they themselves are vague. Sometimes they tell me YES; at times, they say NO! Everything is blurry and I’m so enervated getting this crappy feeling of being in a very precarious, unstable place all the time. So God, once and for all, let this thing end by showing me CLEARLY the outcome of this long-winded uncertainty. I don’t care how it ends; I just need a definitive closure. That’s what matters to me. I just HATE being in this shaky, unsteady, place that reeks of pain, anger, frustrations…and some happy moments from the past. God, guide me through this, with your Boundless Wisdom…
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On the other hand, I love him, my hubby-to-be. I can’t stop gushing about him. I’m sorry. :/ I love you, I love you, Mister!
