When is it not a case of insanity or imbecility to love somebody 1001%?
Ah, what do I know about love?
I may not know much about it but I do know that what people say…that it’s wrong to give yourself and your love 1001% to somebody…is WRONG. It is never wrong to love somebody that much IF it’s at THE RIGHT TIME and more importantly, WITH THE RIGHT PERSON. And who is this right person?
Well, it is a very subjective matter. What may be my idea of a right guy may not be so for another. It depends on our own individual preferences. These are all vague descriptives but I believe there’s one important element that can define, not entirely though, the "right person". And that is, that person must be WILLING TO FIGHT FOR YOU. So to put it in mathematical equation, we can conclude that the "right person" constitutes: your individual preferences + his/her willingness to fight for you. I believe that if a person has such will, it can encompass the rest of the important ingredients in a relationship: love, trust and respect. I mean, why would you hold on to somebody if you don’t respect him/her? Why would you cling on to somebody whom you can’t trust? And why would you wage war against the world to be with that someone if you don’t love him/her in the first place?
But what does "willingness to fight for you" consist of?
It is not to be taken literally. It does not only mean declaring war against the whole world, and make "You and Me Against the World" as your theme song. It does not mean eloping with that somebody and go to the boondocks to realize there your happily ever after (and 1 week later, you go back home, ashamed, because you realized those stuff exist only in movies!). It does not mean incurring the ire of your family by defying them and turning your back on them. No, all these forms of "fighting for you" are superficial and unreal as they are actions usually taken on the basis of misguided, unwise judgments–misguided because lovers often get blinded by the honeymoon stage of a budding romance and mistake it for "true love".
That "willingness to fight for you" means more than "you and me against the world". It means that no matter what happens, that person would still choose to be with you. If he/she gets a dream job abroad and has to leave you behind, he/she would let it go in exchange of staying with you (because he/she knows that long distance can turn relationships sour at times and that he/she is scared that it would happen to the two of you). If his/her friends invite him to a night out and coincidentally, you asked him/her to watch Exorcist together in your place, he/she would forgo of the former and choose to watch and scream with and hug you when really horrifying scenes of the movie are flashed on the screen! If he/she is asked by his/her friends if you’re the better half and these friends think that you’re not a "match", he/she would proudly answer in the positive, and give them a "go to hell" look. If you’re put in a situation where you have to be away from him/her, he/she would try her best to make you stay or go wherever you go. If you gain weight or you later turn into looking as not-so-hot as you first met, he/she would still stay with you and love you for all that you are and for all the later transformations…or deformations that you may undergo later in life.
And now, you ask: How can those little gestures manifest his/her willingness to fight for you? That’s just silly!
Well, my amigo, let us not forget the saying that "it’s the little things that count." Indeed, if he/she cannot even do those little things for you, how much more when it comes to big things? What can you expect from him/her when it comes to major, serious things in which he/she would really have to fight for you?
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This "willingness", however, must be a two-way thing. That’s its very essence. It cannot pertain to just one of the parties–it must be mutually possessed. It must cut and operate on both ways; otherwise, it will not work. It may even reduce the woman to a "martyr",i.e., she stays despite being hurt over and over again, emotionally or physically, which is terribly wrong. In a relationship, it must always be a two-way process. It is a relationship between two persons, not a relationship with oneself. Monologue can never work in bilateral relations.
Ow Em Gee!
I can’t believe there are just four days left and it’s school time again! :’( I didn’t even get to feel on my face the "holiday" breeze…it was more like a whirlwind that slithered on my skin for 2 seconds.
I am currently working on my article. I hope I’ll get it polished before classes start. I WILL. *sigh*
You see, I had a bit of a problem. Last semester break, I started working on it…no, actually even last summer. But I got stuck, somewhere and I couldn’t figure out a way to move on. I didn’t see the problem then–my topic was too BROAD.
I’m actually writing a comparative analysis on the Islamic legal system and the Philippine legal system. Initially, I chose 3 main fields of law–constitutional, civil and criminal–and compare how they exist in each system. It was actually going smooth at first. I thought I was on the right track. It took me 11 pages to explain the separation of church and state as adopted in the Philippine legal system and the amalgamation of the two entities in the Islamic system. I was almost there…at the end when I realized the my article lacked coherence. I read everything, from top to bottom and realized it was "scattered". Most of the subtopics were not logically linked and it didn’t sound right at all. It’s like watching a Filipino movie, where the scenes are not logically connected (first, you see the main actor eating dinner with his family and in the immediately following scene, you see him running, being chased by gangsters. You get my drift? Sorry, I didn’t mean to malign Filipino movies…but that’s one big flaw I noticed in local films).
I started re-reading my gathered materials on Islamic criminal law and that’s when I realized I should focus on that aspect only…not only because it would delimit my topic and thus be able to write logically related crap (haha!) but it’s the oft criticized aspect of Islam as a legal system. There are so many misconceptions about Islamic criminal law…so I just thought of writing an article that would dispel those myths and serve as an eye-opener for the readers, non-Muslims and Muslims alike.
I’m just a bit worried that our editor-in-chief might be mad or upset with me…because I haven’t finished the whole thing yet…in typing it and placing therein the proper citations. HAY.
But I WILL finish it before classes resume.
NO!
I don’t want to wear glasses! 
Four-eyed Bee Alert
I’m going to be wearing glasses.
When I was about 11, I desperately wanted to wear glasses. I don’t really remember what fascinated me about it or what came into my head to desire wearing glasses. All I remember is that I thought I looked cool with glasses on. I would steal my Dad’s reading glasses every now and then and stare at myself in the mirror for countless hours.
I was so desperate that I did everything for me to have vision problems! I read in a moving vehicle (every time that my parents would take me with them for shopping, I would bring along a book and read); I would stare at the noon sun on the way home from school, when my Dad would fetch me and my siblings; I would read in a very dim-lit room; and I refused to eat my vegetables, especially carrots. I even prayed for it! (If God could speak to me directly then, I think He would be saying "Do you know what you’re asking for, silly child?")
None of those worked. Since then, I thought that my vision was invincible. Until I entered law school.
For the past few months, I’ve been having headaches and had difficulty reading written words which are considerably distant from me. "You’re just tired, it’s nothing," I’d tell myself. I tried having a check-up but never got the chance to because of my, yes, busy schedule.
Last Wednesday, I was with my friend (Paula) in UST for the Paskuhan. We decided to get something to eat from the various food stations that were set up at a certain area of the school. We first lined up for McDonald’s. "What can we get from here?" I asked. She read the "menu" posted in big letters in front of each food station. We moved to another food station and again she read what it offered. "Wait, how can you read the menu?" I wondered, as if Pau had some extraordinary superpower that enabled her to read the menu. "Here, try my glasses on."
VOILA!
It was one magical moment! Everything looked so crystal-clear! I could see the letters in their concrete shapes and forms! I could see the faces of people clearly! Everything around me now had concrete, detailed forms, in contrast to what I was seeing before I put on the glasses–everything was hazy then. The people seemed to me as if they were floating contours of smoke.
It’s funny because…I don’t want to wear glasses now. Maybe I would be tumbling around the house in elation if I were still 11. Oh well, maybe it’s my childhood dream come true. Huhuhu.
The lesson to be learned from this? Be careful what you wish for. You might just get it.
Why is there pain the world?
This is a very simple yet eye-opening story which my Dad sent me a few days ago. After reading it, it somehow reinforced my faith in Allah…to run to Him for help in all the troubles I face in this worldly life! Enjoy reading it…and may your faith in Him be strengthened with the passage of each day. 
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A man went to a barbershop to have his hair cut and his beard trimmed.
As the barber began to work, they began to have a good conversation.
They talked about so many things and various subjects.
When they eventually touched on the subject of God, the barber said:
"I don’t believe that God exists."
"Why do you say that?" asked the customer.
"Well, you just have to go out in the street to realize that God
doesn’t exist. Tell me, if God exists, would there be so many sick
people? Would there be abandoned children? If God existed, there would
be neither suffering nor pain. I can’t imagine a loving God who would
allow all of these things."
The customer thought for a moment, but didn’t respond because he didn’t
want to start an argument.
The barber finished his job and the customer left the shop.
Just after he left the barbershop, he saw a man in the street with
long, stringy, dirty hair and an untrimmed beard. He looked dirty and
unkempt.
The customer turned back and entered the barber shop again and he said
to the barber: "You know what? Barbers do not exist."
"How can you say that?" asked the surprised barber. "I am here, and I
am a barber. And I just worked on you!"
"No!" the customer exclaimed. "Barbers don’t exist because if they did,
there would be no people with dirty long hair and untrimmed beards,
like that man outside."
"Ah, but barbers DO exist!” replied the barber. “That’s what
happens
when people do not come to me."
"Exactly!" affirmed the customer. "That’s the point! God, too, DOES
exist! That’s what happens when people do not come to Him and don’t
look up to Him for help. That’s why there’s so much pain and suffering
in the world."
TRASHES
This year, there’s one experience which taught me to dispose of things AND PEOPLE whom I have no use of in my life. I don’t mean to say that I’m a user, i.e., I befriend people only when I have use for them and ditch them after my purpose has been realized. What I mean by "people I have no use of" are those who give me nothing but misery, pain and headache.
At one point, I tried every possible way to "fix" things with these kind of people. But they continued to hurt me, betray me. And so I realized…
WHAT THE FCUK?
If you don’t care about me, the more reason that I should not waste my time, tears and emotions on you! You have not given me anything good to remember you for! All you did when you came into my life is to torture me emotionally! So go to hell!
These are the people that I am putting in a huge, black garbage bag and throw into the huge garbage bin before the entry of the new year! Or better yet, give them away to the garbage collectors! Haha!
I don’t need TRASHES in my life. By their very nature, they deserve to be thrown away. In life, you don’t keep the decomposing fruit peels or the candy wrappers that attract ants and other insects or the disposable innards of fish (unless you’re a collector of these things. EEW.). The same should apply to trashes-people who emit odor from their decomposing bodies that will kill you in seconds if you don’t expel them from your lives!
Yes, I am throwing TRASHES away! And I am happy that they don’t affect me anymore! Oh yes, I am happy with my decision to throw them to where they belong–an open, reeking dumpsite! Wohoo! 
Writings, Moles and Long Hair
I’m almost done with my article for the Law Review. I can’t wait to reach the finish line…because I NEED TO STUDY FOR THE PRELIMS next year (a week after the resumption of classes!). I’m just taking a little break from reading too many materials to support what I say in my article. *sigh*
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Yesterday, I accidentally scratched off a mole I have near the right corner of my mouth. I looked at it in the mirror and saw that the dark part has been removed! Something close to depression dawned on me. I know some people spend thousands just to have their nevis removed surgically but…I’m not like those people.
I want it to remain there forever because it’s always been there. It’s been there since I was born and it’s been my "trademark". I feel incomplete without it. It’s somewhat analogous to Cindy Crawford losing her famous, beauty mark mole–she wouldn’t completely be Cindy Crawford without it.
But I researched on whether it grows back or not and I was happy to find out that it does, especially if it’s slightly raised! Mine is slightly raised too and it won’t go off unless the root is scraped out of my face. Hehe. I know I’m weird but…hey, so what?
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I dreamt that my hair grew longer and that I was so happy to have it back that way! I really want it to grow now. Please, please grow faster. I want you back.
Thank you to my new 2B family, my Law Rev family and everyone who was there to support me! :)
"’Ya Allah, just let me give a good performance. I’m not after winning. I just don’t want to be embarrassed on stage, in front of so many people.’ That was my prayer the whole day."
December 17
I got home at around 11 PM last Monday. I didn’t bother to wash my face or take off my uniform first. I put my bag and books down and went straight to my room to practice for the following day’s event–the Civil Law Idol.
I had two songs in mind–"Somewhere Over the Rainbow", Katherine McPhee version; and "Unchained Melody", OST of the movie Ghost. I practiced both songs but my throat felt terrible. I caught cold and had cough a week before. I had to exert an extra effort to hit notes that I would have sang easily under normal circumstances. I tried again and again but I would get disappointed every time. It dawned on me–I’m in trouble.
I took some vitamin C effervescent in an attempt to make myself feel better. I also chewed 1 clove of garlic, thinking it would cure me overnight. But I was wrong.
December 18–The Big Night
I woke up early. I wasn’t still feeling any better. My throat felt worse. Every time I spoke, my throat would feel like it’s being cut with a razor blade.
I tried not to worry about it and attended our monthly Law Review meeting in the morning. After said meeting, I spent the rest of the day imagining myself singing that night and my voice cracking during the high-notes part. ACK.
All day, I kept on praying: "Ya Allah, just let me give a good performance. I’m not after winning. I just don’t want to be embarrassed on stage, in front of so many people."
I had coffee with friends before the contest began (well, I actually had tea with lemon to make myself feel a little better…courtesy of Arjay! Thanks Arjay! :D). Up to that point, I kept whispering the same prayer…over and over again.
I wasn’t anxious about winning, really. I joined the contest for the fun of it. I just wanted to entertain people, that’s all. And since that’s all that I had in mind, I was worried that I may not be able to make people happy with my performance, that they would just laugh at me. I wasn’t taking things seriously, like hitting my palm with my closed fist and saying aggressively, "I gotta win! I gotta win!" For me, it was all about giving one hell of a show for the people.
My throat felt worse as the hands of the clock moved. As the competition portion drew nearer, I felt even "more" worse (I know that’s grammatically erroneous) than I already felt. I thought I was going to have fever.
Finally, the moment I dreaded came (I was the 4th contestant. Originally, I picked number 1 during the draw lots but I begged the other contestants to exchange with me. Fortunately, one of them was kind-hearted enough to give her number to me instead.:D) As I walked to that makeshift stage, I repeated my prayer over and over again.
And before I knew it, it was over! And to my relief, I didn’t croak like a frog at any point in the song! The host asked Dean Benipayo (as one of the judges) to give his comment and he said "What can I say? Brilliant performance!" I went back to my seat happy and relieved.
When the time for announcing the winners came, I wasn’t really expecting anything. If I didn’t win, it’s fine because as I mentioned earlier, I wasn’t after seizing the glory of the title as well as the prize money. I was already contented with having performed well. And by "well", I mean "not screwing up on stage".
The 2nd runner-up was called out by the Dean. It was this 1st year guy who performed and played with his organ (Oh my God, that didn’t sound right! What I mean to say is he accompanied himself with his keyboard. Haha!). When the name of the 1st runner-up was called out and it wasn’t me (It was Ate Lois, a very brilliant singer. She’s really good, she sounds a lot like Regine Velasquez), my friends started shouting "Nessie, Nessie, Nessie!" I "ssshed" them and said it might be premature to be feting already. "Don’t be so assuming," I admonished them.
And so the Dean called out the name of the winner. It was several seconds before we all realized that I won! Haha! We couldn’t really hear it as we were seated at the back and the Dean spoke very softly. The crowd in front were all looking back at us. "Who won?" I asked a friend of mine. We were all still clueless until another friend of mine said "It’s you!"
I stood up and went to the stage, still wearing a "wondering" look and pointing to myself as if to ask "What? Me?"
I had some pictures taken with the judges (Dean Benipayo, Judge Aguinaldo and Atty. Ragadio) and the runners-up. And that was the start of an almost endless picture taking with friends.
Alhamdullillah! I wasn’t expecting anything at all (no tinge of false humility here!) because as I said at the outset, all I wanted was to give a good performance to the crowd and not be embarrassed. And Allah gave me a bonus! Alhamdulillah!
Of course, there are other people who I would like to thank.
Thank you, Dean Benipayo, for always having believed in my talent in music.
Lots of thanks, big hugs and even bigger air kisses to Ate Meg, Martin, Kaye, Deneesse, Ruffa, Tin, Moi, Anna (SC treasurer), Janell, Vira, Ria, JB, Kathy, Phoebe, Anna and their boys and everybody from 2B who went there. A lot of thank yous also go to Ian who even texted me after the event! Thank you so much Ian! I really appreciate it!
Thanks to my Law Review family: Sir Gilberth, Ate Jeanette, Chuchay, Arjay, Ate Charm, my "Crazy Sister" Katlyn, Ate Jan and Ate Joan! Thank you for cheering and screaming for me! I love you guys so much! And of course, thanks to Atty. Gorospe, our adviser.
Of course, how can I forget my dear daughters? Thank you Baby Lou for making it despite the fact that you were caught in traffic! Thank you Cris for keeping my spirits up! Thanks to my manager, Tere, for managing my career effectively! Hehe! Thank you too Lynette for being there despite the fact that you were sick! I’m praying that you get well soon! And of course, thanks to you, Paula, even if you were rooting for a rival of mine! Haha! Kidding. I understand–almost all girls were screaming for him! Hehe. I love you guys so much! My life in law school won’t be as much fun without you! MWAH!
And to my sisters who opened the gate when I got home very late at night, thank you! Hehe.
Thanks too to my Mom for not getting mad at me despite the fact that I got home at 1 AM. She’s more understanding now. Hehe. Thank you Mommy! It’s so nice to hear that you’re happy for my achievements!
And of course, I wouldn’t be doing this music stuff if it weren’t for my Dad. He was the one who trained me, who taught me how to play the guitar, who introduced me to different genres of music, who taught me techniques in singing as well as techniques when it comes to singing contests (like what song to sing, how to evoke emotions in the audience and touch them with the performance etc.)…he was the man behind all that I am today, musically or otherwise. Thank you Daddy! I wouldn’t be who I am if you didn’t mold me this way!
Alhamdulillah, ya Allah! This talent in music is a gift from you and so I will use it the best way I can! Everything that I do with it–sharing it with people, making them happy and entertaining them with it–is all for you. Shukran ya Allah! I had yet another very memorable night of my life!
BETRAYAL
"Right now, I’m in pain. I’m hurting a lot because I was fooled and deceived. I was lead on to think and believe that things have changed, that there’s a bright future ahead of me with him. I was made to believe that we could fix things, correct our mistakes in the past and start anew. I was made to dig out old feelings from their graves which I have buried a long time ago.
I never intended things to turn this way. When I forgave that man, all I had in mind was for me to completely move on from the past, for me to fully heal. I also wanted to forgive him because I didn’t want him to suffer the consequences of his acts against me before, if ever he did suffer for them. I just didn’t want to be angry at him the rest of my life because it’s not healthy for me. I didn’t want to be bitter and be engulfed in that anger. I wanted to free myself…and him. I was sincere when I pardoned him…he NEVER said sorry to me, he NEVER asked for forgiveness from me. And yet, I reached out to him and forgave him unilaterally.
I should have NEVER listened to him. I should have NEVER given him the benefit of the doubt. I should have NEVER believed in his representations. I should have NEVER believed that he changed. I should have NEVER gotten myself anywhere near him. He’s always been DANGEROUS to me. He caused me nothing but pain and misery ever since he came into my life…yet I still gave him a chance to redeem himself in my sight. I gave him the chance for him to earn my respect again. I had always believed that even when he hurt me before, there was some goodness left in him too. I had always believed that he had a good heart and that he didn’t deliberately hurt me. That’s why I gave him another chance.
I FOUGHT with my best friend because of him. I almost lost her because of him. She was telling me to be careful when it comes to him but I defended him, told her that he had good intentions, that he was not going to hurt me again. I told her he’s changed, he’s grown-up and he learned from what happened to us in the past. Almost all my friends got mad at me for forgiving him. They condemned my act as a STUPID MISTAKE. They said I should never have because it only got me entangled in his world again. I didn’t listen to them and just stood by what I did…because I thought that it was worth fighting for him this time.
I never learned my lesson. I never learned that this man will never change. I never learned that this man will only cause me pain and misery. I never learned that his role in my life is to hurt me over and over again. And worse, I never put in my head that he NEVER LOVED ME FROM THE VERY BEGINNING. I never inculcated in my head that he USED me to get over some girls from his past. I never instilled in my head that he was not sincere in trying to be OK with me this time, that he had some hidden agenda. He just used the opportunity to redeem himself in the eyes of others who got mad at him for hurting me before. He cares a lot about his reputation.
After making me fall for him again, now he’s insisting that we be ‘friends’! And now he’s telling me that things weren’t meant to be! I would never have fallen in love with you again if you didn’t make me fall for you!!! I would have never loved you again because I was so over you, I have moved on, I was ready to love again and I didn’t even care if you were with another girl! But you pulled me in for another run and I believed you and agreed to be your victim again! I allowed you to play with my feelings again! I allowed you to hurt me again!
Honestly, I don’t want to be angry this time. I don’t want to be consumed by anger. I don’t want to ruin my life again just because of this man whose mission in life is to make me miserable, to immerse me in pain until it kills me.
That’s why I’m leaving it all to God. I’m letting Him take control of this situation. I’m letting Him decide this case. I believe in His being Fair and Just. I believe that He will impose upon us what we truly deserve to receive, based on our acts. I believe that He is the Ultimate Punisher. We will all be judged according to our deeds and how we dealt with our fellow human beings. I believe in Karma. And I believe that one day soon, He will give me what I deserve for finding it in my heart to forgive a man who almost killed me twice, without him even repenting, apologizing for what he did and without showing any amount of remorse for what he did. I know one day soon…I will be smiling gratefully at Him for I will be given true justice."
–BETRAYAL. It’s the worst thing that anyone can do to you. But like what the blogger said, we just have to leave everything in the hands of Allah and let Him do the revenge and vindication of ourselves. Inshaallah, those who do us wrong will pay for it…in Allah’s own good time. Ameen.
Baboosh!
Hey guys, I have to go again…this time, I think it will be longer. I just need to focus on some things important, my studies most particularly. Don’t you worry, when I get back, I’ll be somebody entirely new Inshaallah. You’ll see. Hehe. (but if you’re thinking I’m undergoing some nose job or sex change operations, no, it’s none of those.) I’m gonna miss all my friends here and all those who read my posts here. But if you still want to stay in touch with me, you can e-mail me: arc_in_lines@yahoo.com. I have also constructed a new blog site but I’m not sure if I can update it as much as I want to. If you want the web address of that blog site, just drop me a message through aforesaid e-mail, ok? I’m gonna miss you all and thank you for taking the time to read the written thoughts from my cluttered head.
SMOOOOCHES!
