Escaping from Misery
If you guys have noticed, I haven’t checked my account for a long time. Three weeks, I guess. I don’t even know how long I haven’t been here.
Well, who’s to blame? My being lazy. Haha.
I’ve been very, very busy since school started. I’m in my third year now so things are getting a little crazier. But I’d have to admit that I feel this is a going to be a better semester for me than the last two. Last year was HELL. I often cried. Complained. I was depressed almost daily. I couldn’t prepare for all my subjects and I’d end up feeling irresponsible and gloomy. God, I hate that feeling. I don’t want to go through what I went through last school year. Ever.
This time, I feel a little more invigorated. Although there are some things that have changed, I still look forward to going to school everyday…unlike last year, I’d always wish that there would be no classes for all reasons I could think of (typhoon, the professor getting sick–bad noh?). I’d drag myself to school, feeling exhausted physically and mentally. Man, that was torture! It’s true what most people say–second year law is the most difficult level.
I didn’t really have a good start this semester, though. I got sick and was confined at the hospital for three days. For what? Stress. Too much of it.
It was Wednesday and I didn’t go to school as I had this terrible headache and cough. I was just sleeping in the living room, alone at home.
My younger sister arrived from school. I could hear the door bell ringing a number of times…but I just couldn’t get myself to get up and open the gate.
I tried hard to think that I had to get up and let my sister in because no one else would do that–I’m alone at home. I finally gathered the strength and stood up to open the gate.
As I made my way back inside, I felt dizzy and complained to my sister that I felt like I was going to faint.
And that’s the last thing I could remember.
I DID FAINT.
But I wasn’t totally unconscious. I even thought I was just sleeping and dreaming as I was seeing some visions, images. Yeah, it did feel like dreaming. Only that there was this weird feeling of urgently wanting to wake up.
When I regained consciousness, the first thing I thought was: What the f*** am I doing here on the floor of the garage?!
And then I saw our neighbors inside the house, trying to help. My sister had this very scared look on her face. That’s when I realized I collapsed.
I couldn’t breathe, suddenly. I went to the CR and puked what seemed like everything I had eaten since the start of the year. Eew.
I told my sister that we had to get to the hospital. One of our neighbors, who’s a mom, accompanied us.
*sigh* I’d like to relate everything that happened thereafter but I’m running late for school now. So I guess I’ll just write finis when I get the time to log in here again.
The most important lesson I’ve learned though is: I need to strike a balance. I need to take care of my health. I need to spend some more time with my family and friends. I need to spend some more time for myself. As my Angel (Ms. Johnelyn Gemzon, whom I terribly miss!) said, there are so many things a lot more important than law school and that includes my health.
Sometimes I wonder if all the difficulties–sleepless nights, humiliation in class when you screw up in a recitation, physical exhaustion from traveling to school and back, missing on a lot of things happening in the world–I’ve been through will be worth it in the end. I’ve seen lawyers who end up notarizing documents in the streets, seriously. What if I end up like them and all my dreams of grandeur, of being a great lawyer are just that–dreams?
I have to go. And I guess it will be long before I get to write an entry again. *sigh* I’ve missed you guys. I wish you all well.
