It’s over.
The semestral break, that is. It’s time to get my ass back to school. I hope things will be a little different this time. 
It begun too soon and ended too soon as well. I’d just like to share something that my girl friend, Sabbie, posted in her Tumblr blog (Maybe I should move there too?). It’s just funny how she views “love” right now. Here it is:
“It’s four days before classes resume. I’m glad for the break as I got to rest. But I am sad, particularly at how it was spent since I did not want to spend it the way it was. Got me?
I was really planning to spend most of the break with my fiance, Dylan. Though we’re in the same school and we see each other everyday, we don’t really get to do things that I want to do with him–watch movies, go to new places, do something new, fun and exciting…explore new things. Yes, we do spend time with each other but we’re mostly doing boring school work together. =,(
He told me before that he has so many plans/activities for us to do during this break. But that never came to life. We saw each other a couple of times and he went to his hometown and spent most of the break there.
I’m actually quite fumingly jealous right now because he did a lot of things for his last ex. He surprised her with dates. He gave her flowers. They went on out-of-town trips. I didn’t get any flowers from him except for one stem of daisy he gave me when we were still starting. Maybe he loved (s?) her more or he was more in love with her then than with me now. I understand he’s busy too but a girl will always remember the cheesy, “awww” moments that her guy creates for her. I don’t mean to be superficial and all. I think he does love me and he tries to express it the best way he can. But it’s just that…oh crap, it’s so hard to explain. I’m sure other girls out there hear me.
Last night, I went out to see a couple of my high school friends. One of my guy friends, the sweet boy he is, gave me a bouquet of yellow daisies (it’s the closest thing to sunflowers, my favorite, that he could get) and it made me smile big time. Our relationship is purely platonic but it made me kilig not because I like him but for the simple reason that a guy gave me flowers. So how much more if it actually came from your loved one?
He’s sweeter when we were just starting. I guess Martin is right: Love is good when it is new. And to borrow Walter’s (one of Jeff Dunham’s puppets) view on his wife’s aging, love ages like milk. (Nessie’s comment: Oh yeahhh!!! I was right all along, you see now Sabbie? [Read my post about "love". It's either in the December 2006 archives.])
And good lord, we’ve been fighting a lot the past few days. I’m just upset with him for a lot of reasons, some of them crazy. sigh. I love that boy. I do. I appreciate everything he does for me. He’s there for me when I need him. He helps me through my problems and all. But things just get crazy and out of hand sometimes. I miss him now. He’s on an out-of-town trip with his friends. Gah, that makes me even more upset. Yeah, I miss him but now I’m really hating him. I HATE YOU, DYLAN. Do you hear me? I HATE YOU.
We have to resolve things like this before we decide to take the relationship to another level–marriage. I guess I have to reflect on and evaluate things before I make that huge decision. It’s not just the two of us who will be affected with our decision. Our future kids…that’s one very important consideration. sigh. I guess I have to tell my Mum to slow down on her role as my wedding planner. She’s gotten herself so busy ever since Dylan and I got engaged.
He hasn’t called in the last 9 hours. I don’t know where he’s been. Well, wherever he is, I hope he knows that I love him. And hate him too.
And you know what else I hate?
That I love him.”
Thanks Sabbie for allowing me to steal this! HAPPY BACK-TO-SCHOOL TO EVERYONE! (I’m not sure if that will hold true for me!)
Thanks, thanks! :D
Thanks a lot Moymoy! Let’s continue to rock n’ roll! Oh yeah! 
I WISH I NEVER WAKE UP. EVER AGAIN.
Today is one of the worst days of my life. Like going through a lot of effing shit is new to me. DUH.
I went to school for the enrollment, but as the day unraveled, it looked like I also went there to see my soulmate — DEPRESSION.
I didn’t expect that we would be getting our test booklets back…obviously we did. I wasn’t all happy with the results but somehow my firm belief that I passed all my subjects and can enroll all subjects offered for the semester gave me temporary relief.
I went to the dean’s office to get my assessment form (it’s a piece of paper where all the subjects you can enroll are listed) and went to the accounting office to pay. I queued and got the amount ready. I looked at the form and noticed that something was off. The total number of units written was 16 when it should have been 19 (that’s the regular load). And the Taxation 2 subject was crossed out. What could this mean? Oh, maybe the curriculum doesn’t include Tax 2 anymore. And then I realized…
HOLY CRAP. I failed my Tax 1 (it’s a pre-requisite subject for Tax 2, obviously)!
Everything turned black. My head just went blank. I couldn’t believe it. I didn’t expect it. I just froze. And what followed was wailing similar to that of a bereaved mother.
I didn’t know what to do. Friends advised that I talk to the people at the dean’s office and the professor to clarify things. When I regained a tidbit of my sanity, I did as I was told. Thank God things went well. My professor passed me.
But it didn’t end there. *sigh* I just felt so down about a lot of things. On my way back home, I just sat on one of the benches of the university park and stared at nothing. And then I cried like there’s no tomorrow. The sky knew how to express sympathy. It was raining as I sobbed at how miserable my life is.
I was supposed to be happy, right? But no, the sadness that came at the outset never left me. Random things just started running through my head.
I felt so bad about myself. I don’t know, I’m not the person I was before. I’ve gone from being brilliant to being plain dumb. I’m losing confidence in myself. I’m not as good as I used to be. I’ve become stupid. I didn’t know that it could actually be acquired.
And then I came to think of how alone we all are. We came into this world alone. We stay in it in the same way. We leave in the same way. Some may argue with me and say that we have some people around us and that as men, we are social beings. But I believe that our natural inclination to be gregarious is our desperate attempt to defy nature and the reality of our being alone.
People promise you eternity and they only stay in your life for a time not even close to one-twelfth of forever. They promise that they’ll be there and yet you find yourself alone at the place where they promised to be at, literally or otherwise. You find yourself crying alone. Hurting alone. Bleeding alone. They promise you good things when they’re on the verge of losing you…and when things go well again, they forget about it. I can’t blame them. Maybe I am like that too. Call it man’s fallibility. After all, we are not Gods and saints. At the end of the day, all you got is yourself.
To make things worse, I gave a birthday gift to a friend (on the same day). It was her birthday last week and I couldn’t go to her party because I was at the hospital. (I fainted, AGAIN. But this is an entirely separate story.) I like making my friends and people who are important to me happy…so I was counting on that to somehow make my day just a little bit OK. But that one failed too. Obviously, she didn’t like it and she wanted it exchanged for something else. I totally understand her. But it’s just so frustrating when you want to make people happy and you miserably fail.
Oh God, I’m a failure. I’m bound to fail in everything I do. I don’t even know who I am anymore. I’m not even close to how I was before. I’m a total stranger to myself now.
Someone told me that she never expected me to be this fragile and weak. I used to be strong, you know. But I’ve gone through so much in my life that I forgot how to look at the bright side. I’ve seen so much pain and darkness that now I believe life is all about misery and all sorts of negative things. Yeah, that’s what life is made of. At least for me.
Let us wish I never wake up again the next time I sleep. (It’s 4:30 AM where I am right now and I haven’t gotten any sleep yet.)
P.S. I don’t mean to have overlooked the efforts of the people who were there to console me. Thank you all. It’s just me being so messed up that I can’t help myself feel better. But yeah, thank you. I truly appreciate it.
Semestral Break.
What’s that? Sem break? No, I don’t know what it is…because it doesn’t exist in my world. Haha.
You see, this “break”, I’m going to be editing our TAXATION 1 notes, write my article for the next issue of the Law Review and then work on the cases. (There’s a lot of them! Huhu.)
Anyway, I’m gonna start working tomorrow. Wish me luck.
The Cockroach Break Up–Better than the Madge and Guy Ritchie Split Up!
In the spirit of the latest Hollywood marital split up, I’ll post something about, yup, break ups. But this won’t leave you crying. This will surely make you laugh. [Guy Ritchie and Madge--according to Mama Madge, the eventual split up began when she fell down a horse. (And how is that exactly supposed to be the major cause of their break up?) Well, she said that when she had that accident and broke her ribs, there was complete lack of sympathy and love on the part of Guy. OK, whatever. What about that A-Rod guy? Anyway, another Hollywood split up in the news is that of David Duchovny (I have a huge crush on him!) and Tea Leoni. The reason? Duchovny's sex addiction. (EEW. Now I just lost my major crushing on him.) They'd been together for 11 years or so. Now that gives me hope that Brangelina and TomKat will eventually split! Bwahahaha!]
OK, so back to the story. It’s not mine but I have secured the permission of the rightful owner to post it here. Hehe. So here it goes.
Let’s give my good friend the name Andi.
Andi and her then boyfriend met after work to have dinner. After spending some time with each other, they decided to go home. He couldn’t drive her home that night so he let her take the taxi.
While waiting for a cab, a very hyper cockroach appeared from nowhere and almost crawled on her feet. She jumped like a frog, screamed and ran away. When she looked back, she was laughing and at the same time very disgusted, and was expecting that he would hug her and tell her not to be scared, like he would always do.
But he wasn’t even smiling.
“Honey, sobra naman! Akala ko may nangyari!” [Honey, you're overreacting! I thought something (bad) happened!]
She felt bad because to her, a situation like that is hugely critical, almost like a tragedy and she didn’t find his love and sympathy. (Now I find some credibility in Madge’s statement of the reason of the break up.)
“O, galit ka nanaman! Maghiwalay na nga lang tayo!” (O, you’re mad again! Let’s break up now.)
She got more pissed and angry. He said it himself so it must be what he really wanted because when it’s her who says it, most of the time, she doesn’t mean it.
When she got in the taxi, she said she’s agreeing to breaking up with him. They exchanged a few angry messages. “This is what you want,” she said. “Don’t turn this on me, like you always do. I knew one day, you’re going to leave me,” he replied. “You said ‘MAGHIWALAY NA NGA LANG TAYO!’ You said it yourself!” she told him.
“What the f***? I said ‘MAGHIHIWALAY na nga tayo (and you’re galit pa!)’” [We're going separate ways (referring to their going home) and you're mad!]
OH.
Haha! And so the two got back together and now they’re happily married. (I just hope they won’t have another cockroach break up…or an ant or fly or mosquito break up. That would be very sad.)
I thought it’s mostly infidelity that causes break ups. Now I know that a cockroach and a temporary deafness, and in the case of Madge, a horseback riding fall, can spell the end of what couples hopefully believe to be their happily ever after.
Angel and Pretty
I love these girls to death! They have been (and always be) my best friends for 3 years now…and despite the fact that we don’t get to see one another that much because of our own preoccupations, we have managed to keep the friendship alive!
Thank you Angel and Pretty for everything, for being there for me, for teaching me the true meaning of friendship.
Pretty, be strong my dear. I’ll pray for you and your family.
I’ll see you both very soon. I love you so much and I miss you. Mwah!
–Sunshine/Beauty
